The Naked Batman

Called the Nursery this morning ard 6.30am to enquire when is Baby's next feeding. They told me he was just fed at 6am so the next feed will be ard 9am. Thus, I canceled my postnatal massage appointment, and started getting ready to visit him at 7.45am. Of cos I brought with him my 3 bottles of frozen EBM, packed in a tuppleware of ice and drove myself there.

It was close to 9am when I arrived as there was heavy morning traffic. However, the nurse told me that he was sleeping. I told her it's his feeding time and I was informed to come down at this timing. Thus, they allowed me in and when I got to see him, what greeted me was a little naked Batman (dressed only in his diapers and sleeping on his tummy as if he was kneeling). Ya, he had this white mask ard his eyes... Poor thing.

He refused to wake up no matter how I nudged him but finally decided to suckle and feed with his eyes closed. After feeding for about 15min on one side, he refused to open his mouth when I tried to get him to latch on the other side. No matter how i teased his mouth, he just won't open it. One stubborn fellow. So I had to give up after trying for about 5min and passed him back to the nurse, as I was told that it's better not to carry him away from the light for too long.

Apparently, he was put on 2 lights instead of 1, which was discussed previously and they just switched to 1 light this morning around 8am. This meant that he had to be monitored for another 24hrs before we know if he'll be released. His jaundice level did drop to abt 260, which is still not good enough.

Sigh, guess I'll drop by the hospital again this evening with Daddy to top up his EBM supply and give him one night feed. Hope to see a less "yellowish" n more alert boy....

"Vital Statistics"

Decided to record down some numbers, just so that if there's a "next time", at least I have something to refer back to sooth my worries:-

Baby's First Poo - early morning the next day in hospital. Was informed by the nurse when she passed him to me for first feed in the morning. Then he stopped totally and I had to check with the nurses from KKH's Call-a-Nurse helpline when he was 3 Days old. Was told to monitor one more day, and if he still hasn't poo by end of next day, then we'll have to bring him to the doc. God bless he pooed a little nearing end of his 4th day. From then on, there's no stopping him.

Photo-therapy - admitted after 2nd SB check-up at polyclinic (6th day after birth. SB level had jumped from 147 to 297). Told by doc his weight is fine so he'd only go on one light, which translated to an earlier release. However, he'd need to be under the light for min 24 hrs. So earliest possible timing for discharge will be 5pm this evening. Crossing my fingers.

Mummy's First "Cake Baking" Session - Tried once in hospital, just couldn't make it. All I felt was more pain from the pushing and was advised by the nurse not to do it, so that I don't hurt my wound. Was informed by Doc that patients will usually only start again after discharge from hospital. Guess wat? Even with the liquid paraffin, it just wouldn't work. Finally, my poor contipated xxx got it's relief after 5 whole days! Trust me, the whole area felt so much relaxed n the pain more bearable after the episode.

Itching - Was down with the ITCH for both times. Though the symptoms were different. First time was hives, now rashes. Looks like heat rash to me, but the affected area is huge, spunning almost the entire body. Cause(s) unknown as of now.

Perineal pain - started getting excruciating after effects of epidural wore off. Taking 2 types of pain killer (paracetamol n Mefenamic acid only helped that much). Gotten much better only after the first major loo visit.

It's totally UNBEARABLE

Just when I need more energy and strength, why do I have to break out in rashes???

The intolerable itching is really killing me, especially when nothing I tried works - showering, creams, antihistamine, heat rash powder... what else???!!!! How did the rash come about? The last time I had hives during confinement, and now..... am I fated to itch after birthing??

Ahhhh! And I have to take my milk down to KKH for Baby and breastfeed him. The GP won't be open till 8.30am. Don't care lah, guess I'll go down to the hospital first to feed him before proceeding to clinic. Just gotta bear with it.

Sianz......

Jaundice AGAIN!

The same thing happened to En 4 years ago.

Baby Ying Kang was diagnosed with SB reading of 147 the day after his discharge from hospital. We went for a review today at CCK polyclinic and the numbers shot to 297.

Frankly speaking, I had expected something like this to happen, cos this was exactly the same case for En. He looked really yellow since a few days ago and I had more or less predicted that he might be admitted to KKH for photo-therapy during today's visit. True enough, this was the case.

Even though this has been something which I had anticipated, it pains me to have to send him to hospital and leave him there alone. Everytime I see them pricking his little foot and squeezing blood from him, it just felt so bad. And if it's going to be anything like En's experience, he will have to go through this painful process for the next 1 mth plus....

The only thing that I can do for him now is to express as much milk as I can for him, so that he still gets Mummy's love when I can't be around. I will bring them to him tomorrow morning and pray that he can be discharged by evening.

Mummy loves you.

老公，我真的要对你说声谢谢！

很多时候，我都会在这里发发对你的牢骚，其实我要让你知道，在我心里，你还是很不错的。

就拿这几天来说，自从小颖康呱呱坠地，你就一直陪在我身边，无论是扶我上厕所，帮我拿水、拿食物、药物，半夜起床把Baby抱给我，替Baby冲凉、换尿布、抱抱他......没有你的照顾，关心，这些日子我真的不知要怎样过。

明天，你就要回到那地狱般的工作，虽然有妈妈在，可是我真的不敢想象你不在的日子。特别是，我的伤口还是很痛、很痛，痛得连在床上翻个身，都有问题，更不用说坐立或上厕所。

What will I do without u, my Pillar of Strength??

陈颖康 - 终于看见你的脸

2009年6月2日 - 日盼夜盼，我的小颖康终于决定来报到。

1am： 起床，再无法入眠。

2.30 - 4.30am： 数数数，大概每5分钟就一次阵痛。是时候叫爸爸起床了。

5.30am：到医院报到。这次较麻烦，要在一楼登记，再到二楼的Delivery Suite。回答了一些诸如几时开始阵痛，多频繁等等等问题，终于到产房报到。接下来就是换衣，让护士检查，继上monitor，等待Dr JT的到来......

医生穿着T-shirt来报到，接下来就是刺破羊水袋，吊点滴（包括催生剂Oxytoxin）。Dr JT说如果要注射epidural，最好是8时过后，用一剂就好了；p。心想，没问题啦，结果7.30am左右，阵痛越来越剧烈，终于忍到八点，注射了epidural。

之后，JT 又来检查了一次，大概只dilate了3cm。他说前5cm较慢。果然，11+时许，几分钟内便从5cm扩张到10cm。接下来，就是push,push,push,等医生来接生。终于，护士叫我别在push了。12时后，JT来了，再推几下，Baby终于出来了！这次我真的看到他出来的过程！12.15pm - 你终于来了。

What a feisty fellow! 一出来就发出响亮的啼哭声，一直到做了所有的清理工作，量体重、体积等等，Baby到了我怀了，开始喝nene，才安静下来。

~ 产房里

~ 一天大

~ 父子

~ 四天 - 与姐姐在一起

~ 四天

This Is It....

This is the last time I will see my Baby in 2D B/W.

Had felt my baby really low yesterday afternoon, just above my vaginal... then I felt like peeing every 10 mins or so.... By the time I left home to fetch K for my Gynae check up, the cramps on my lower abdomen became really frequent and it lasted hrs even after the check-up. I had a feeling it couldn't be too far...

True enough, Doc JT "certified" me as 1.5cm dilated. Baby is going to come anytime during the next few days. So he gave me 2 options:-

1. Let nature takes it course - set appointment for next Mon and get ready to go hospital anytime

2. Fix appointment to go hospital on Fri

I'd been experiencing loads of discomfort for the past days n practically having 3 hrs or less sleep each night, so I told him ASAP.

Guess what he said??? Then come in hospital on Wed 7.30am and we'll induce u (so there was a 3rd option).

Ok lor, Baby will come out latest tomorrow......

As I'm typing away, I can already feel the contractions coming n going between 5-10 min interval (not the lower abdomen cramping)... it could be today... and I certainly hope so.. Had been up since 1am... It's a good timing he's coming when En just started School Holidays, so that I can fetch her to school in 1 mth's time... though En will probably have to miss her "promotion" to Pre-Primary Ballet class this afternoon... will wait it out at home today... Guess both my darlings will be out in 38.5 weeks....

Bless us :)

Memories

As I was sourcing for Buffet Catering for Baby's First Month Celebration (kiasu haha), I decided to visit Rasel's website, where we catered for our ROM Poolside Reception 5 years ago. We had a good experience with them as they had a very flexible, international menu then, whereby we can select a very individualised menu based on per item per head count basis. The best part was that the pricing was really attractive and they were able to provide a Thematic setup for us.

However, they no longer provide such a flexible menu anymore, though the selection is still generally attractive. As I was screening through the various tabs, I came across their Wedding Galleries. When I clicked on the "By The Pool" tab, it all looked so familiar... Hey! Isn't that my wedding setup from 5 years ago??! And I didn't even know they took pics n posted on their website. Anyway, thanks to them, I have some nicely taken pics to remember the special event by (my one n only wedding function).

~ pictures extracted from http://www.rasel.com.sg

安静

我是个需要安静的人。

很“不幸”的，我身边却有一对大、小蜜蜂，无时无刻在我耳边嗡嗡响，搞得我心烦气躁，有时连吃顿饭、看份报纸或上网都不得安宁。

有没有试过，一个小时内，连环炮似的三、四通电话，都是同一人打来？一个人，一踏进门，毫无“惊喜”的，第一件事就是念念念。不管做什么，还是念念念。叫她不要做，还是念念念......更糟的是，还会跟小孩子一起“争锋吃醋"，“抢”你的注意力，两只蜜蜂一起出击，小的已显出不快，大的那只还不知退一步，继续与她争妈妈的注意力，叫我不发火都难。这还不是致命伤，恐怖的是，大蜜蜂极度敏感，很喜欢通过别人的语气（比如电话里啦），乱加入自己的解读，在找你开战。一旦她盯上你，无论你说什么都没用，非抖个两败俱伤，才能收场，屡战屡试，不见倦色。

小的那只呢，真是“悲哀”。为什么偏就得了隔代遗传，好传不传，就中了“碎碎念”这绝症。她很喜欢重复性地讲同样的事件，讲了又讲，乐此不彼。无论在讲些什么，先决条件是，一定要你参与。参与的定义就是，也要跟着讲，不可以只点头、摇头等，不然她就对你发飙。

本人的忍耐指数超低，碰到这两只贴身蜜蜂，有时真有“生不如死”的感觉。嗨，苦海无涯，回头也找不到岸......

Will this be IT?

As I'm typing away now, I'm wondering if my Baby is going to come out real soon. Had been having the runs since this morning. 4 Times already.... Moreover, last night, I could only sleep ard 2am. Prior to that, I was getting out of bed like every 15 mins to empty my bowels. Was also experiencing more n more pressure beneath, especially when I'm lying down and shifting my body position. Was particularly bad last night.

Could this be it?? Well, I really can't be sure, cos the last time, it was due to leakage of amniotic fluid so I didn't quite get to monitoring my contractions after induction of labour. Though it quite felt like feelings of wanting to pass motion too...

It's 37 weeks n 2 days now.. Baby is safe to come if he wants to. Just hope I don't end up delivering in the house/ car ;p.....

"Promotion"

We missed a ballet lesson last week cos En wasn't feeling well (high fever of 39.8C, vomitting etc) since Sun night and I decided to self-quarantine her for entire week to let her fully recover from her long standing flu (how long u may ask.... close to 6 mths since we returned from States... on/off, on/off.. ahhh).

After reaching the mall, En requested to change in the toilet instead of the studio, so we did just that. Then, we proceeded to class. As we entered the school, the admin lady was busy making phonecall. She asked," Teacher Melissa just got into an accident, I called u to inform u about it." "I didn't receive any calls," I replied. "But somebody did answered n said the maid has already left with her gal for lesson." "Then it couldn't have been me cos I do not have a maid." Think she marked the wrong name on her list. Anyway, what's important was that the teacher wasn't hurt. Couldn't blame her as she received the info abt 10 mins ago, for which I had already reached the mall anyway.

Then, she proceeded to inform me that En's teacher actually recommended that she be promoted to Pre-primary class (for >5yrs) as she was very attentive in class n could follow the instructions well. I asked how many in her class was promoted and she replied 2. Well done, Gal (though she's probably at an advantage cos she had done ballet for abt 1.5 years as compared to the rest)! But that would mean that she'll have to adjust to a new teacher n classmates, and she may not like it, as she chose to attend this class after attending lesson by her current teacher. We shall see. Anyway, currently there's no classes with suitable slots for Pre-primary, so I'll continue to keep her in Creative till new classes commence.

Btt, the admin lady was really nice. Firstly, En's MC was for Mon (ballet is on Tues), but she happily accepted the MC. Then, when I checked with her regarding the topping up of fee (as Pre-primary cost $10 more/ term as it's 1 hr session, instead of 45min) as En just started her new term based on Creative's fee, she readily mentioned that we do not have to pay extra, as it's just abt $10 difference. Though the amount may be small, nonetheless it's really nice of them to be so flexible n accommodating (I had previously asked if I could defer her lessons when I go on confinement n the answer was "Yes").

它，是一种五味杂陈的情感。

它，可以是自私的，激发人心的妒忌，让你无法忍受与任何人分享，怀疑自己是否就是他心中的“第一”。

它，可以使你陷入万劫不复痛苦的深渊，变得歇斯底里，变成魔鬼，吞噬掉全世界造就你痛不欲生的一切，甚至于自我毁灭。

它，可以撕心裂肺，犹如一把利刃，一次，又一次，再一次。。。。。。不断地，重复地刺入你的心，直至血肉模糊，血流不止，一滴、一滴、一滴。。。。。。

它，可以使你万般牵挂，牵肠挂肚，不舍、思念、期盼着过日子。

它，可以使你愤愤不平，甚至于愤怒，为的是他所受的不平等待遇、欺压，只恨自己无力解救他于这水深火热。

它，在当你望着他那苍白的脸，被病魔缠身，无法摆脱时，当你知道他在为你们的将来打拼，承受无比压力，你心里的痛、流的血、掉的泪会比所有一切深百倍、千倍、万倍。

尽管它未必荡气回肠，尽管它可能淡如止水，它却是这般缠人，就只因为“爱”。

Riding the waves....

It had been a challenging time since we came home, esp for this couple of weeks. I guess the reasons r plenty - K's unhappiness at work, re-adjusting to life beyond our own little family, more hectic lifestyle having to fetch En to-n-fro school everyday, increase in familial commitment etc, physical challenges (we have been falling sick one after the other, consecutively, ever since we return, non-stop, so much so the doc's office had become our regular haunt. We must have visited our GP for at least 7-8 times in total since Dec), discomforts from this pregnancy (made worse by my sickness), hormonal changes, the unbearable heat that's causing me rashes outbreak everywhere...... So much so that situation had gotten somewhat out-of-hand in the last weeks, that I'd wallowed in so much self-pity with feelings of being neglected, uncared for n unloved. It must have been a tough time for K too, for I believe he's also going through a very rough patch at work. Being the sole breadwinner, with another mouth to feed soon, the pressure must be intense. Perhaps that accounts partly for his insensitivity. I tried to understand but sometimes when little things add up, over a period of time, it's just too difficult.....

After that particularly scary incident ( I'm sorry I might have traumatised En), I really felt the need to just offload all that's been bugging me, how unbalanced n disrespected I felt at times. And I'm truly surprised n touched at the outcome of my no-holds-bar confession. Something I truly need in a time like this. I hope that things can really take a turn for the better, esp with Baby coming soon (n Yes, he's still superbly active, esp as my cough is disturbing him. I guess he must be very anxious to come out).

Frankly speaking, I do foresee myself going a little crazy after birth (as with En). My dear Boy, hope that u can be my pillar of strength n give me a little extra love, patience n care. 我比上次老了，体力没那么好，又有两个小瓜要照顾，所以真的需要更多的support.

煮妇的假期

我也想去一趟煮妇的假期，没有时限，没有目的地，没有人知道。只有孩子与我，两个人，去我们的疗伤之旅。

四岁的孩子，情绪其实已不只限于号啕大哭的宣泄。我怎么知道？有一回，她晓得我在生某某的气。某某拿了她的水瓶去喝，她便开始在车上唠唠叨叨，不让某某拿。以我对某某的理解，其实早已知道会发生事情。平时，我会出声制止她，可当时，我在气头上，也懒得理。

果然，接下来就是突如其来的咆哮声：“This is my car! U get out of my car!” 整辆车一时鸦雀无声。这是很不寻常的。果真，我伸手去抚摸她的小手，她转过头来，鼻头红红的，勉强挤了个笑容给我，两滴泪不由自主地滑落，她静静用手抹掉......我的心真得好痛，她只不过是四岁的孩子，怎得会和我一样暗自伤心？

庆幸的是，孩子情绪的反转，想对大人而言，是瞒快的。可是，如果事件一再发生，那种伤害始终无法磨灭。当我们作出某种情绪反应时，可曾想过，对身边的人会造成怎样的影响？留下多深的阴影与烙印？

我想真的该去悠长假期了。

永远的“大小眼”

一星期前，本来是要到蔡厝港华人坟场扫墓，通知某某之后，他就一直说会塞车啦、没地方停车啦等等等。其实，在这之前，老爸早已通知我只需去阿公家拜拜即可，因为他也担心到时坟场会塞车，早早就吩咐我不用去。我却故意不说，决定“见机行事”。

到了拜拜那天，我还是决定不去了，因为老妈也提议我作罢，说是哪儿烟雾弥漫，对孕妇不好，毕竟我怀孕快8个月了。

几天后，某某突然说（他们家做事总爱last min通知）他老母跟他说今天要扫墓，而且可能要去好几个地点，他大舅可能会租巴士，全家一齐去环岛拜拜。他满心期待，说是好久没去了。我说如果需“跋山涉水”，那是不可能的，因为我即使是坐着或躺着，都经常会发生呼吸困难，更别说在大太阳底下“攀山越岭”的，搞不好岂不一尸二命。然而，他说我们可在巴士上等（呵呵）。最后，因为他外婆决定只到一处，便决定各自出发，到万里坟场。这情况岂不和我们当初去蔡厝港坟场的情况一样，得面对塞车、没停车位等问题？谁知当初的诸多不便，如今他却只字不提。这次可没父母为我设身处地的着想，ok lor，还是那句“见机行事”。

出发前，我老妈“好言相劝”，可是“忠言逆耳”，我们还是“依计行事”。结果，还未转进万里路，车龙已是见尾不见首，车子根本无法向前行驶。可又不见某人意兴阑珊，反观还主意多多，决定另觅去路。兜了一圈，从汤盛路驶入，情况虽较好，可是到了驶入坟场的交叉口，情况依然恶劣。

到了此时此刻，仍然无人作声，一旦转入交叉口，便是进退两难了，不知会堵上几小时。既然无人照顾我的处境，我只好“自保”，便提议让他父母在车站下车，与其他人会合，我们等他们拜完再来充当司机。可是某某却一意孤行，一定要驶进去。他说要我们在车里等！天啊！这一等要等上几小时，开冷气会导致一氧化碳中毒，不开冷气岂不变成炭烤烧猪？？？后来，我家婆不好意思，提议下车，他还是坚持己见，直到我家翁也决定下车，他才只好作罢。

我心里真的真的很气，不仅生气，也很不服气。我一而再，再而三的给他机会，这么多年了，他还是“大小眼”！最不应该的是，他始终不懂得关心及爱惜我，更谈不上保护。这起事件，只不过是冰山一角，我真的不再指望他会发自内心的爱护我了。

En's 4th birthday

Strictly speaking, this is the 1st time that we actually have a mini party for En in her school for her birthday (last year in Challenger, all bday kids were only allowed a "Spotlight" session where we can share some pics n have a bday song. No cakes nor gift packs allowed). She was naturally very excited about it and would be checking with me when is the Day, prior to the celebration. Cos that's when she gets to have her self-chosen Chocolate Disney birthday cake and put on her Cinderella Princess costume. Had negotiated with her teacher that she gets to change into it on her bday, as we are not having a party at home so she won't get to wear it otherwise (BTW, the costume was specially ordered while we were in the States and it arrived the day before we were leaving for good. Had to rushed to Monarch Meadow's management office few mins before it closed for the day/ holiday as we were out and the package was left there. Phew! Luckily managed to retrieve it before our morning flight the next day).

Initially, I had an argument the day before with Daddy as he mentioned he wouldn't apply for half day leave. However, he called to ask me to lunch with him on the actual day. Turned out he had already requested for leave but he just wanted to spite me lor... So we set off to give darling a surprise in school, as the party was scheduled for the last 15-30min of school.

We collected the cake from Bengawan Solo United Square, then proceeded to her school. She was really happy when I got to her class and brought her to change into her pretty costume. Then we went downstairs to surprise her with Daddy.

It was time for the celebration. So we went back to her class, while the teachers gathered her classmates and got ready to sing her birthday song. Seems we ordered too big a cake, as we were told by Yu laoshi that the kids usually eat little and we ended up with abt 1kg of cake left out of 2kg. True enough, they do not seem too keen to finish the cakes.

Finally, it's time to go, which meant time to give out the party packs! En helped to give out the bags (each pack contains of specially selected pencil, sharpener and small notepad, hand-wrapped by Mummy, plus a Frugurt :)).

Certainly hope my Darling will have a pleasant memory of the day for the many years to come.

Happy Birthday my PRECIOUS!

Baby, Baby

This year is certainly a Baby Boom year, at least for friends and relatives ard me :)

Since I returned from the States, I had already known of 5 new babies, with 1 just delivered over the weekend (all boys haha). And there will be more to receive in 2009 (at least 3 more, including mine, of cos :)).

Frankly speaking, not all the pregnancies were/ are smooth-going. In fact, for one of my close frens, she had pregnancy complications for her past pregnancies. However, looking at the adversities that she faced, be it through her pregnancies, family challenges, relationship issues etc, I truly marvel at her tenacity in the face of problems. Seldom did I hear her complaining, whenever she talked abt the issues she faced, they were usually in a matter-of-fact manner. Rather than lamenting on how "unfortunate" she was, she took everything in her stride, focusing on finding solutions, instead of wallowing in self-pity. It's not for me to share her challenges here, but believe me, many would have given up/ broken down if put in her shoe ( I certainly won't fare as well). For someone with her strength, I certainly hope that she'll be blessed with an easy pregnancy this time round. If God had meant for the previous experiences to be a test, she has proven herself way beyond expectations.

Perhaps due to a difference in life experiences, family background or simply character build-up, there r also some who find it tough to face up to the changes brought about by the new life growing n blossoming in their body. It is understandable that every pregnancy is unique and so is the body of every mum-to-be. Sometimes, it is ez to fall prey to the depressing feelings n discomforts, esp with raging hormones working against us ;p, not withstanding the fact that it may be difficult to get the men ( which by no fault of theirs, that they haven't the opportunity to go through the exhilaration of carrying a new life in their body, to marvel at experiencing the tiny one boxing ard in their tummy) to empathies with what we're going through and the price we have to pay thereafter (the "disfigurement" of our body - flabby tummy/ bumps, drooping b**ps, cellulite, varicose veins, stretch marks etc. They would rather invest in a new set of rims for their tyres than pay for "re-constructive" work to be done on our "abused" wares which need some extreme makeover). However, as mothers (or future mums), we have a life we need to be responsible for, to care n protect, to give the best we can n nurture for, so that he/ she may grow to be a happy n healthy (be it physically or emotionally) individual. Shouldn't we strive to be a living example n try to lead happier lives ourselves?

For me, I'm far from a saint. I have my complaints abt the discomforts of pregnancy, abt wanting more attention from my hubby. Plague by insomnia, back ache, PGP, with a bump n thighs growing way beyond proportion, breathlessness that comes even when I'm sitting, lying down or standing still that causes bolts of faintness n panic attacks and recently Carpal Tunnel Syndrome which causes pain in my right hand, I can be assured of more to come in the following mths. However, I must say, in general, I do enjoy being pregnant! This is a privilege for women. The thought of having a new life in me, someone I can call MY baby, this is enough to carry me through.

I know that when Baby 2 comes along, there will be a period where I may be going through some depressing moments, when I will feel like I'm going crazy, when I will be asking if I'd ever be able to bond with him, when even my mum will be doubting if I'll be able to handle life as a mum all over again..... however, I know one day, as I look back, I will relish at those moments just as I am doing now with my darling En. Being the Stubborn One, somehow, I will manage to raise n nurture my 2 babies, be it through more knocks on the wall, even lesser Me-time whatsoever. Simply because I am a MOTHER.

To: Fathers/ Fathers-to-be

Don't forget to show more support for your wives, pamper them a little if u can. It's never ez to go through the process of child-birth.

And if u're thinking of splurging on that new Tag Heuer, or that new car, or some spectacular sports rim, or a new golf set, or simply u have a little extra to spare, some sponsorships for "reconstructive" work on your IMPORTANT other half will be greatly appreciated, bearing in mind, u get to enjoy the results as well!!

左左人

天啊，我竟然是左左人！

这是按《早报》的一项性格测试所得到的结果。

左左人--认真又冷酷的完美主义者。虽颇有女人/男人味，但却是这四种类型中，最具有男子气概的。凡事都能条理分明的理论性思考，会凭着一篇大道理迅速打败他（人）。

自尊心极强，正义感也比他人多上一倍。做为朋友是很值得信赖，但若与之为敌就会很棘手。不过，因生性认真又是完美主义者，常会让初次见面的人留下难以相处的不好印象。

不得不承认，还相当准确，但我还不至于冷酷吧？？！！果真如此的话，做起许多事来，反而不会觉得绑手绑脚，可一鼓作气把那些不知死活，惹毛老娘的人，连根拔起，捏得连灰都不剩！

政治

不知不觉，恩也快四岁了，在家带孩子也有若干年。选择这条路，主要原因虽是为了能在孩子的成长过程扮演主导性角色，希望能给予她正确的价值观、教育、管教与母爱，其中也有部分原因，是不太愿意再卷入难缠的办公室政治。

可笑的是，有人的地方，就有“政治”。在外面遇到风风雨雨，还能躲进“家”这避风港。当这最后的堡垒也失陷时，还能往哪儿钻呢？

了解到，孩子在成长的过程中，培养独立的思考是必然的过程。她也慢慢意识到，自己是独立个体，时不时展示那“我要自由”的触角。这一阶段，对没什么耐性的妈妈，的确很具考验。或许她个性有点像妈妈，蛮掘的，要她buy into my logic，需下功夫。但，有一段时期，情况还算ok。最近却有变本加厉的迹象，跟她讲道理，她未必听，还经常来一段“你不喜欢，我偏偏要做”。

昨天，我似乎有了答案--原来那称为“爷爷”的人，竟然对她说了这样的话：“不要听妈妈的话。”孩子亲口说，是“爷爷”在跟她玩时，这样对她说的。我一再求证，告诉她如果事情不是如此，绝不能撒这种谎，因为这会破坏大人之间的感情，她仍咬定她的说法。听了这番话，你可以想象我的心有多气氛吗？

从一开始，他们就不愿与我合作，不愿配合，老爱在孩子的管教、饮食等方面唱反调，这也加强了我一切都要亲力亲为的理念。即使做到死，也绝不开口要求他们的帮助。近几个月，可能他们多少也了解到that is not the clever path to take，至少在我面前也会唱一唱一些较悦耳、合拍的调子。正当我以为终于见到了转机时，冷不防原来已中了高手的冷箭！

是恩在撒谎吗？还是有一股强大的“整治”势力在背后与我抗衡？无论答案如何，都是悲哀的。

我应该怎么处理这情况：-

1。装作若无其事，just let it be???

2。也来一段“笑里藏刀”，“勾心斗角”陪他们玩下去？

3。撕破脸，当场对质？

4。取消"visiting right"以示抗议？

5。学人摆黑脸，让他自己尝尝“无辜”被摆臭脸的感觉？

6。借机指桑骂槐，给他来个下马威？

7。或放更多精力在孩子身上，希望她能学会分辨是非黑白，即使这是一条老路，路上布满荆棘，阻力重重。外来的势力，就随它去吧？

老二也快出世了，心中的压力更是往上升。“家”--为何也要沦陷？

原来如此

恩恩今天有点怪。当我接她放学时，她一见到我就说很累，也不太愿意和余老师说再见。于是，我便先带她上厕所。

正当我们步向电梯时，余老师朝我们走来，然后问恩恩为什么没向她道别？原来之前，有位同学掉了发夹，恩恩把它捡了起来，不愿还给同学。当老师把发夹归还时，她便大哭起来。

当她听到老师的陈述，便又眼眶乏红，哭了起来，便一直说累。当我向她提问，希望她让妈妈知道发生了什么事，好让妈妈帮她解决。她怎么都不肯说，只是一直哭，一直答不愿意说，甚至说她忘了那同学是谁，忘了发生什么事。

我便向她解释，我只想知道发生什么事，如果恩恩有秘密不跟妈妈说，妈妈会伤心的。妈妈只想知道发生什么事，不会责骂她的。我又问她，如果她有一样很喜欢的东西，而朋友拿走了不还她，她是不是会很伤心？答案是肯定的。同样的，如果她拿了别人心爱的东西，那人也会很伤心的。经过了一轮哭诉，说着她有多么喜欢那发夹等等，我一再对她解释，无论她有多喜爱，东西不是她的，她就不应该拿。过一会儿，她便平静了下来。

后来，她终于告诉我，原来发夹是她的好朋友-惠黎的。她也答应我，明天会向惠黎道歉。想必她早前不愿道出事情的原委，应该是知道自己做错了事，怕被责骂。我想，这事件，应该还处理得相当妥当吧。