遐想

或许感情这潭浑水，我玩不起

或许人际关系，我永远无法掌握

或许我根本不属于这个年代

或许我的存在是上帝开了个大玩笑

或许做人应该“笨”一点

或许我才是真正的笨蛋

或许明天会有奇迹

或许今天将是据点

或许人生仅是如此，真实的只有我那手心里的宝

原点

回来之前，早已预知这种状况的到来......

本还抱着一丝期望，一年的经历或许能起着些许作用，现实总还是得接受“距离”的挑战。“距离”越近，“影响”越是如磁铁般展示着它的力量。要来的始终还是来了，我的人生回到了四年前的原点。

有些事永远无法改变，有些人只能盼“距离”这条鸿沟能把他远远地隔开。我甚至为了避开他，宁愿选择离乡背井，离开我的至亲，离开我的避风港，离开我熟悉的环境，为的只是想得到一丝平静，恢复我的家庭宁静，还原我本应有的自由与舒畅。

带我离开吧......

Ballet - Trial at Ballet & Music Co

This is the 2nd trial I brought En for since we came back.

The first was at Dancepointe Taman Jurong. They claimed to have good quality flooring from Harlequin (well, I'm not an expert in this field, so I assumed it must be quite impressive). However, I was very disappointed with the condition as there were bumps around and it looked pretty old. As students and parents etc started streaming in, it reminded me of the first few lessons En had at Bukit Batok CC when she just started ballet. Many kids were clinging to mummies n crying and the trial class was so huge that even 2 teachers couldn't manage the kids effectively. It was obvious En wasn't keen, as she wasn't paying attention least talk about following instructions. Though it was communicated that the actual class would be smaller, we decided to move on, as there wasn't any point if she's simply not interested.

Abt a mth down the road, finally decided to let her try out at Ballet & Music Co in United Square, as it's near her pre-school, so we can just go after class. Initially, En told me that she would not be interested and she wouldn't want to go new class and make new friends. I told her that she wouldn't know if she didn't try and we'd not put her in the class if she really didn't like it. This school is more similar to the one in US, where parents have to stay outside the studio. However, the studio in US has a long window panel for parents to view, while the current only has a small glass opening on the door. Decided to peek for a while to see how En was doing. She seemed to be enjoying herself and paying attention to the teacher, doing what was required. I guessed this should be the one. Better checked with her after lesson to confirm. The moment she met me after class, she said," Mummy, I like this class. I want to continue." Ah! Finally found the one she liked.

Playing Mute to Blabber-Mouth

Met the principal at the lift today, after dropping En off at the assembly hall. So we chatted for a while. She commented that En was doing well in class and a rather well-behaved child, who would voice her views and take the initiative to talk with her friends.

I must say her experience in the States had served her well. She was a reserved gal who wouldn't talk much to outsiders (though she was always talkative around mummy), even to her teachers at her 1st childcare. She was still the same when she first enrolled in Challenger. A few months later, there was once I brought her into class, and her teacher, Ms Jennifer told me," Don't worry, she'd start talking when Mummy leaves." On another instance, while Ms Jennifer brought her to my car, she told me that En said that Mummy would smack her backside if she's naughty. Haha!!! What a transformation! She also went telling her current Principal that we're "homeless" now, while the Principal was chatting with another student about him moving house. Though it's great she's no longer playing mute, she has become a blabber-mouth!!! No more secrets...

As I picked her up from school today, she showed me a lolly-pop. I asked if it was her classmate's birthday again (as they just had 2 bday celebrations last week, right after CNY break). She answered "No". One of her friends named Huili had 2 lollies, and she gave 1 to her. Now she has a special friend too. Not bad Gal!

18

Today is K's birthday and baby's 18th week. I had planned for a night at Sentosa's Siloso Beach Resort's Roof Top Garden Jacuzzi Room. The initial plan was a getaway for just the 2 of us. However, with K starting work at his previous company (which demanded that they put in at least 120% of their stipulated working hrs, n 1 of their weekend/ week or 后果自负), and En in the afternoon session (which meant she had to drop her afternoon nap), thus having to sleep early, father and daughter hardly get to see each other. So, he requested to bring her along. Anyway, we didn't get to do much except for lazing in the room, making use of the roof-top jacuzzi and outdoor rain shower, venturing out for meals and just a short shopping trip at Vivocity.

I have been feeling really tired ever since I had Baby No.2. Though I'm into my 2nd trimester, the discomforts that I encountered during first trimester (tiredness, vomiting, insomnia etc) don't seem to be going off, while the symptoms for 3rd trimester like back ache etc are appearing earlier. In fact, this pregnancy is rather different from the first time where my morning sickness lasted only a while and my 2nd trimester was a breeze - no constipation, even my prob of gastric wind etc disappeared and I had a good appetite.

Baby No.2 is also much more active than En. I started feeling his movement while I was in my 16th week. At 18th week now, I can easily feel him moving, esp ard 10pm at night. The movement is usually quite obvious and it will come on and off for the next half hr or so, unlike En who usually just produced some light kicks here n there n would stop after that. Am I more sensitive or is he going to be one rambunctious rascal???

Anyway I'm wishing for a more comfortable pregnancy ahead and for K's company to show more 人性 (which is quite unlikely, with news of further pay cut etc... wonder if he should have just taken the severance and left initially. Well, I guess things will work out in the end. Just have to rough it out through this bad times).

A New Beginning

Finally, it's En's first day at her new Kindergarten. She's going to meet new teachers and friends at her new class - Nursery Love. Judging from her track record in the States, Day 1 should be a breeze.

Alas! Her eyes started welling with tears the moment she stepped into class. There was already quite a crowd there though we were 15min before time. She clung on to me and refused to let go. Nonetheless, I decided to leave the classroom after playing with her for a while and she started to settle in a little.

As I had to settle some admin stuff with the Principal, I was waiting outside the office as the Principal was busy helping out in the classes. About half an hr or so, I saw the Principal bringing a crying En to the office. Apparently, they were about to give me a call. So, I followed her to the classroom, while the Principal tried to introduce some new classmates to her. Most of the students were with the school the previous year. Luckily I wasn't the only mum there. I stayed in the classroom, encouraging En to play with other kids, while the teachers and Principal busied themselves with the other children who were crying.

After a while, I decided to leave the classroom. En cried again but the Principal was with her. Well, she has to get used to her new school somehow....

An hr before dismissal, I finally got sometime with the Principal. She mentioned En was doing fine. I managed to finalised the switching of class to afternoon and fixed the transportation arrangement with the school bus vendor.

"RRRRIIIIINNNGGGGGGGG", the parents started moving to the lobby and classrooms. En's class was one of the last to be dismissed. She wasn't crying when I picked her.

Let's hope today's episode was due to the crowd. Tmr will be better, same teachers but new friends again. It'll also be the first day that En will be travelling on a school bus. Guess I'll be stuck in school for another 3 hrs, at least to ensure she'll be picked up from school on her 1st bus trip.

P/s: One of En's classmates today was the daughter of an ex-actress, Magdalene Chu (朱乐玲). However, she'll be her ex-classmate tmr, when En moved to N-Grace in the afternoon.

5 vs 53

What do I mean???

Though I'd been ranting about the high cost of health care in the States, this is one case whereby I regretted not bringing En for it earlier.....

Sometime in June, I decided to let En have her Pneumococcal n Hep-A vaccination at Parkway Pediatrics as I had heard from other mummies that the vaccination is very, very cheap (Hep-A is mandatory for admission into certain kindergartens in US). Yes! I paid US$5/ea for the injections. Everyone knows how ex it is to have Pneumococcal jab here in Singapore.

Today, I decided to bring En to CCK Polyclinic for her 2nd Hep-A jab. Apparently not many GPs offer Hep-A for toddlers. The wait was long as we didn't make an appointment. To make matters worse, this was by far the most traumatic vaccination experience for her over the past year. She struggled while the nurse was injecting the needle and had a needle scratch of 1.5cm on her left arm, besides being injected twice. She cried for the next 20+ mins or so and voiced her fear of future injections. The bill - S$53!

It was only with a Dark Choc Gelato that she finally calmed down....

Stress

A year away, I had quite forgotten what it's like to maintain an EXTENDED family life... Everything was quite simple, we plan our activities as n when we liked, had fabulous time with his colleagues, loads of breathing space n freedom. We just need to maintain the weekly call to our families, that's it.

The moment I stepped foot home, the reality that marriage entails 2 other families (besides our little one) smacked me right on my head. No matter how tired I was, there were obligations to fulfill. Besides, having to adjust to living together for 2 person of differing backgrounds is an ongoing task in itself. Now, it just seems more complicated than ever. Just 2 weeks into our new lifestyle (or should I say old... after all it had been like this before we left for our Freedom), cases of unhappiness had already sprouted (of cos not all with my ILs lah. Frankly, putting aside the initial few days, so far things had been going fine with them. Hope it continues...)...

Even though I'm blessed with a place to stay after selling our condo (thanks to the graciousness of my parents), somehow, the urge to have a matrimonial home is still strong despite the fact that market situation is expected to worsen, and we can bang on much better deals a little later. I guess I NEED that breathing space. Put fiery, sensitive, naggy, opinionated characters together, what do u get??? BOOOOMMMM!!!!! Explosions (sometimes it's the inate ones that's really scary n pressurising)!! Won't be surprised if I ended up with pre-natal (instead of post-natal depression ;p)....

It's stressful when u have to balance so many people's wants, needs, opinions, ideas etc... What about my own little family????

送老公上飞机

临晨两点多就起床，K也已与周公说bye bye。再也无法入眠（that's me, insomnia type ;p)，一直到了3.25am左右，便起来梳洗。小瓜也被我的抚摸弄醒，于是便决定带她一同送爸爸上飞机。

到了T1，足足花了45分钟左右才办完登机手续，班机虽然6点起飞，但5.05am就开始登机，结果连一家人一起坐下来吃早餐的时间都没有......

K的眼睛开始发红，接着泪水不由自主地落下。他之前一直取笑我，说登机时不要哭，也不太愿意让我送他到机场，所以我决定不哭的，他却先“投降”，害得我也掉了眼泪。虽然只不过是短短的3个多星期，但自我们在一起之后，也从没分开那么久，特别是有了家庭之后，这么说来，这3个星期还算是漫长的......he won't be around for my birthday, he won't be around for X'mas......

就这样，他带着不舍离开，我带着不舍目送他独自飞回遥远的美国......唯独小瓜，依旧non-chalent......

KJE, BKE, PIE - 3个人的路程，PIE, BKE, KJE - 两颗心的期待。

最后一天

今年的冬天来得比较迟。原本还希望在离开之前，能再一次经历在雪地里游戏、堆雪人、跟小瓜打雪战（上一次下雪，她要求出去玩，可是积雪不深，没让她出去）......可惜！

两个冬季，一样的离别之情，一样的依依不舍，不同的是，当初带着一股对未知的期待，而今则是对回家的期许。

有些人会说，兜了一圈，还不是回到原点。我却觉得这一年是我人生不可或缺的转捩点，不可多得的经历累积。真的没有后悔当初的决定。看到了孩子的成长，变得更独立、活跃、友善，真正过着独立的家庭生活，没有干扰。相信这将是回国后最怀念的一环......

还有就是由他州友善的居民，这里的购物环境（商场宽敞，任何东西买了不喜欢，都能随意退还，factory outlets-super 廉价名牌货），农场和活动空间，到处都是高山的自然景观，小孩的活动......

家，是一定要回的，但绝对会带着一丝不舍......

一切安好

浏览了一些过去的日记，不知不觉，选的都是一些感性或不太开心的回忆。现时今日，忆起往事，还是会掉眼泪，我想有些事，无论埋藏得多深，一旦触及，还是会痛。

或许近日来身体不太舒服，荷尔蒙有点失调（哈哈），枕边人也因为就快变成无业游民，态度较恶劣，导致我的心情也起伏不定，比较grey一点。

哎哟，don't worry lah,一切安好。Looking forward to going home. That's where my support base is.. hehe...

巨变

此时此刻，几个星期来的不稳定，终于有了答案。

一个简讯，打散了不知多少人的期待？摧毁了不知多少家庭的稳定？

接下来何去何从？

下雪天

刚才迈入秋的季节，怎的下起雪来了......

这个周某，因此哪儿也没去，却也不无惊喜。:)

Thunder Storm

The temp is about 14C outside. It's expected to be pretty cool (or cold) this couple of days.

We just experienced a thunder storm on Sunday. The sky was pretty gloomy and overcast. Suddenly, the wind started howling furiously (weather reports forecast the speed to be as high as 70mph. That's easily past 100kph). It was forecast that there might be hail too. Luckily this time round, we only experienced heavy showers. The good thing is, it past almost as quickly as it came.

The aftermath??? Snow-capped mountains again! Have not seen them for months.... K was lamenting the cold winter is coming soon (even though Autumn hasn't quite arrived yet ;p)...

Usana International Convention 2008 - Changing Lives

I would not have gone for Convention if I had not been in Utah. I would not have gone for Convention if K's stay here had not been extended. I would not have gone for Convention if I had not started my 3BCs which comes with free event passes. But somehow, there's a greater power out there and things just flow along....

I would have made the STUPIDEST decision if I had not gone for Convention.

I learnt that this is a business that has no discrimination - whether u're 18 or 80, whether u're blessed with health or disabled, whether u have no education or a PhD, whether u're white, black, yellow etc, whether u can speak English or not, whether u come from the slums or r born with a silver spoon, whether u're a widow with mouths to feed or a happily married taitai, this is a business for everyone, as long as u do not QUIT.

I learnt that I'm working with a company with conscience, one that not only takes from society but gives back even more - go green initiatives by changing the packaging of it's products and installing solar panels for 3rd phase of headquarter so as to cut down on environmental pollutions to truly fulfill their mission of providing True Health, working with Children's Hunger Fund to help provide food and vitamins to less fortunate children around the world, giving to orphanages and more.

I learnt that Usana's pay plan is indeed the Brilliant Compensation, the best I'd seen in my entire life! --Matching bonus that the company matches, up to 100% of your sponsored associates income who meet requirement, for 32 whole weeks (besides Singapore government's baby bonus ;p). That's on top of commissions you get from your sales volume. Profit sharing for Top 25 income earners etc. And they r here to stay. Am I hearing things???

I learnt how Usana's products made changes to people's life by giving them True Health and True Wealth - how an HIV positive lady who was in desperate need of building up her immune system through supplementation but had allergy towards binders used in common vitamins, that nearly cost her life found light through Usana's high quality nutritional supplements, through it, managed to build her residual income that allows her to prepare for the day she may not be able to work in a common job anymore and needing money for medical bills, how it took a 70 over year old mountaineer all the way up Everest, how Olympic gold medalists trusted their health and career with it...

Yes, I TOTALLY enjoyed Convention! It's Mind Changing, it's Life Changing and best of all it's FUN. From this day onward, I devote myself to sharing Dr Myron Wentz's vision:

"I dream of a world free from pain and suffering.
I dream of a world free from diseases.
The USANA family will be the healthiest family on earth.
Share my vision.
Love life. And live it to it's fullest in happiness and health."

My life changed and I wish I can help many others change their lives for the better. For if u knew what I know, u'll join me in a heartbeat.

Temple Square @ SLC

This is the second time En n I went to Temple Sq, the first for K. Our first trip was in Dec, with K's colleagues. This is the site where the Temple of LDS Church is. It's a historical ground for Mormons, where you'll find the Beehive House (where Mormon pioneer, Brigham Young stayed), Tabernacle, Salt Lake Temple, Joseph Smith Memorial Building etc. For more information, visit http://www.visittemplesquare.com/.

Pictures speak a thousand words.....








Though Beehive House looks small from outside, the interior is huge, with many rooms and the furnishings are really exquisite, with some being imported from France.

"Reading" Story

En's "reading" her Sophie book again...

If u're marveling at how she can recognise so many words at the tender age of 3, well, she simply memorised them (as with her other story "reading" episodes)...

Cottonwood Heights Outdoor Pool

Heard from a mummy here that Cottonwood Heights Recreation Center has a huge outdoor pool, so we decided to give it a try before it closes (the outdoor pools here generally close by 1 Sep Labour Day).

True enough, there are quite a number of pools there, including kids play area, slides and even diving platforms. Though it was a summer day, I wouldn't suggest those who are afraid of cold or have too little fats to insulate them to give it a try. Reason being, even though it's hot and sunny, the wind can be quite a chill.... K certainly didn't enjoy it..

What about En? She had a thing for the kiddy slide. She went on it for so many times, I lost count (of cos after the initial "I'm scared, I don't want episode").

Community Party@ Monarch Meadows Apartment

Ever wonder when my entries about FREE summer activities will end?? Certainly not yet!!! Haha ;p

Monarch Meadows Apartment held a Community Party on 13 Aug (6-8pm). It was a great opportunity for residents to mingle and mix and the best thing was, we got to have FREE food, drinks, snacks and plenty of playing for the kids!

Though En was kinda a scardy cat. She only got on 1 Bouncing Slide with a big koko.

Well, she climbed this ride about 3x but never went through with it...

Happy Family

Little friends

Beautiful summer evening...

Hail

Do u know what it's like when it's raining hail???