Riding the waves....

It had been a challenging time since we came home, esp for this couple of weeks. I guess the reasons r plenty - K's unhappiness at work, re-adjusting to life beyond our own little family, more hectic lifestyle having to fetch En to-n-fro school everyday, increase in familial commitment etc, physical challenges (we have been falling sick one after the other, consecutively, ever since we return, non-stop, so much so the doc's office had become our regular haunt. We must have visited our GP for at least 7-8 times in total since Dec), discomforts from this pregnancy (made worse by my sickness), hormonal changes, the unbearable heat that's causing me rashes outbreak everywhere...... So much so that situation had gotten somewhat out-of-hand in the last weeks, that I'd wallowed in so much self-pity with feelings of being neglected, uncared for n unloved. It must have been a tough time for K too, for I believe he's also going through a very rough patch at work. Being the sole breadwinner, with another mouth to feed soon, the pressure must be intense. Perhaps that accounts partly for his insensitivity. I tried to understand but sometimes when little things add up, over a period of time, it's just too difficult.....

After that particularly scary incident ( I'm sorry I might have traumatised En), I really felt the need to just offload all that's been bugging me, how unbalanced n disrespected I felt at times. And I'm truly surprised n touched at the outcome of my no-holds-bar confession. Something I truly need in a time like this. I hope that things can really take a turn for the better, esp with Baby coming soon (n Yes, he's still superbly active, esp as my cough is disturbing him. I guess he must be very anxious to come out).

Frankly speaking, I do foresee myself going a little crazy after birth (as with En). My dear Boy, hope that u can be my pillar of strength n give me a little extra love, patience n care. 我比上次老了，体力没那么好，又有两个小瓜要照顾，所以真的需要更多的support.

煮妇的假期

我也想去一趟煮妇的假期，没有时限，没有目的地，没有人知道。只有孩子与我，两个人，去我们的疗伤之旅。

四岁的孩子，情绪其实已不只限于号啕大哭的宣泄。我怎么知道？有一回，她晓得我在生某某的气。某某拿了她的水瓶去喝，她便开始在车上唠唠叨叨，不让某某拿。以我对某某的理解，其实早已知道会发生事情。平时，我会出声制止她，可当时，我在气头上，也懒得理。

果然，接下来就是突如其来的咆哮声：“This is my car! U get out of my car!” 整辆车一时鸦雀无声。这是很不寻常的。果真，我伸手去抚摸她的小手，她转过头来，鼻头红红的，勉强挤了个笑容给我，两滴泪不由自主地滑落，她静静用手抹掉......我的心真得好痛，她只不过是四岁的孩子，怎得会和我一样暗自伤心？

庆幸的是，孩子情绪的反转，想对大人而言，是瞒快的。可是，如果事件一再发生，那种伤害始终无法磨灭。当我们作出某种情绪反应时，可曾想过，对身边的人会造成怎样的影响？留下多深的阴影与烙印？

我想真的该去悠长假期了。

永远的“大小眼”

一星期前，本来是要到蔡厝港华人坟场扫墓，通知某某之后，他就一直说会塞车啦、没地方停车啦等等等。其实，在这之前，老爸早已通知我只需去阿公家拜拜即可，因为他也担心到时坟场会塞车，早早就吩咐我不用去。我却故意不说，决定“见机行事”。

到了拜拜那天，我还是决定不去了，因为老妈也提议我作罢，说是哪儿烟雾弥漫，对孕妇不好，毕竟我怀孕快8个月了。

几天后，某某突然说（他们家做事总爱last min通知）他老母跟他说今天要扫墓，而且可能要去好几个地点，他大舅可能会租巴士，全家一齐去环岛拜拜。他满心期待，说是好久没去了。我说如果需“跋山涉水”，那是不可能的，因为我即使是坐着或躺着，都经常会发生呼吸困难，更别说在大太阳底下“攀山越岭”的，搞不好岂不一尸二命。然而，他说我们可在巴士上等（呵呵）。最后，因为他外婆决定只到一处，便决定各自出发，到万里坟场。这情况岂不和我们当初去蔡厝港坟场的情况一样，得面对塞车、没停车位等问题？谁知当初的诸多不便，如今他却只字不提。这次可没父母为我设身处地的着想，ok lor，还是那句“见机行事”。

出发前，我老妈“好言相劝”，可是“忠言逆耳”，我们还是“依计行事”。结果，还未转进万里路，车龙已是见尾不见首，车子根本无法向前行驶。可又不见某人意兴阑珊，反观还主意多多，决定另觅去路。兜了一圈，从汤盛路驶入，情况虽较好，可是到了驶入坟场的交叉口，情况依然恶劣。

到了此时此刻，仍然无人作声，一旦转入交叉口，便是进退两难了，不知会堵上几小时。既然无人照顾我的处境，我只好“自保”，便提议让他父母在车站下车，与其他人会合，我们等他们拜完再来充当司机。可是某某却一意孤行，一定要驶进去。他说要我们在车里等！天啊！这一等要等上几小时，开冷气会导致一氧化碳中毒，不开冷气岂不变成炭烤烧猪？？？后来，我家婆不好意思，提议下车，他还是坚持己见，直到我家翁也决定下车，他才只好作罢。

我心里真的真的很气，不仅生气，也很不服气。我一而再，再而三的给他机会，这么多年了，他还是“大小眼”！最不应该的是，他始终不懂得关心及爱惜我，更谈不上保护。这起事件，只不过是冰山一角，我真的不再指望他会发自内心的爱护我了。

En's 4th birthday

Strictly speaking, this is the 1st time that we actually have a mini party for En in her school for her birthday (last year in Challenger, all bday kids were only allowed a "Spotlight" session where we can share some pics n have a bday song. No cakes nor gift packs allowed). She was naturally very excited about it and would be checking with me when is the Day, prior to the celebration. Cos that's when she gets to have her self-chosen Chocolate Disney birthday cake and put on her Cinderella Princess costume. Had negotiated with her teacher that she gets to change into it on her bday, as we are not having a party at home so she won't get to wear it otherwise (BTW, the costume was specially ordered while we were in the States and it arrived the day before we were leaving for good. Had to rushed to Monarch Meadow's management office few mins before it closed for the day/ holiday as we were out and the package was left there. Phew! Luckily managed to retrieve it before our morning flight the next day).

Initially, I had an argument the day before with Daddy as he mentioned he wouldn't apply for half day leave. However, he called to ask me to lunch with him on the actual day. Turned out he had already requested for leave but he just wanted to spite me lor... So we set off to give darling a surprise in school, as the party was scheduled for the last 15-30min of school.

We collected the cake from Bengawan Solo United Square, then proceeded to her school. She was really happy when I got to her class and brought her to change into her pretty costume. Then we went downstairs to surprise her with Daddy.

It was time for the celebration. So we went back to her class, while the teachers gathered her classmates and got ready to sing her birthday song. Seems we ordered too big a cake, as we were told by Yu laoshi that the kids usually eat little and we ended up with abt 1kg of cake left out of 2kg. True enough, they do not seem too keen to finish the cakes.

Finally, it's time to go, which meant time to give out the party packs! En helped to give out the bags (each pack contains of specially selected pencil, sharpener and small notepad, hand-wrapped by Mummy, plus a Frugurt :)).

Certainly hope my Darling will have a pleasant memory of the day for the many years to come.

Happy Birthday my PRECIOUS!

Baby, Baby

This year is certainly a Baby Boom year, at least for friends and relatives ard me :)

Since I returned from the States, I had already known of 5 new babies, with 1 just delivered over the weekend (all boys haha). And there will be more to receive in 2009 (at least 3 more, including mine, of cos :)).

Frankly speaking, not all the pregnancies were/ are smooth-going. In fact, for one of my close frens, she had pregnancy complications for her past pregnancies. However, looking at the adversities that she faced, be it through her pregnancies, family challenges, relationship issues etc, I truly marvel at her tenacity in the face of problems. Seldom did I hear her complaining, whenever she talked abt the issues she faced, they were usually in a matter-of-fact manner. Rather than lamenting on how "unfortunate" she was, she took everything in her stride, focusing on finding solutions, instead of wallowing in self-pity. It's not for me to share her challenges here, but believe me, many would have given up/ broken down if put in her shoe ( I certainly won't fare as well). For someone with her strength, I certainly hope that she'll be blessed with an easy pregnancy this time round. If God had meant for the previous experiences to be a test, she has proven herself way beyond expectations.

Perhaps due to a difference in life experiences, family background or simply character build-up, there r also some who find it tough to face up to the changes brought about by the new life growing n blossoming in their body. It is understandable that every pregnancy is unique and so is the body of every mum-to-be. Sometimes, it is ez to fall prey to the depressing feelings n discomforts, esp with raging hormones working against us ;p, not withstanding the fact that it may be difficult to get the men ( which by no fault of theirs, that they haven't the opportunity to go through the exhilaration of carrying a new life in their body, to marvel at experiencing the tiny one boxing ard in their tummy) to empathies with what we're going through and the price we have to pay thereafter (the "disfigurement" of our body - flabby tummy/ bumps, drooping b**ps, cellulite, varicose veins, stretch marks etc. They would rather invest in a new set of rims for their tyres than pay for "re-constructive" work to be done on our "abused" wares which need some extreme makeover). However, as mothers (or future mums), we have a life we need to be responsible for, to care n protect, to give the best we can n nurture for, so that he/ she may grow to be a happy n healthy (be it physically or emotionally) individual. Shouldn't we strive to be a living example n try to lead happier lives ourselves?

For me, I'm far from a saint. I have my complaints abt the discomforts of pregnancy, abt wanting more attention from my hubby. Plague by insomnia, back ache, PGP, with a bump n thighs growing way beyond proportion, breathlessness that comes even when I'm sitting, lying down or standing still that causes bolts of faintness n panic attacks and recently Carpal Tunnel Syndrome which causes pain in my right hand, I can be assured of more to come in the following mths. However, I must say, in general, I do enjoy being pregnant! This is a privilege for women. The thought of having a new life in me, someone I can call MY baby, this is enough to carry me through.

I know that when Baby 2 comes along, there will be a period where I may be going through some depressing moments, when I will feel like I'm going crazy, when I will be asking if I'd ever be able to bond with him, when even my mum will be doubting if I'll be able to handle life as a mum all over again..... however, I know one day, as I look back, I will relish at those moments just as I am doing now with my darling En. Being the Stubborn One, somehow, I will manage to raise n nurture my 2 babies, be it through more knocks on the wall, even lesser Me-time whatsoever. Simply because I am a MOTHER.

To: Fathers/ Fathers-to-be

Don't forget to show more support for your wives, pamper them a little if u can. It's never ez to go through the process of child-birth.

And if u're thinking of splurging on that new Tag Heuer, or that new car, or some spectacular sports rim, or a new golf set, or simply u have a little extra to spare, some sponsorships for "reconstructive" work on your IMPORTANT other half will be greatly appreciated, bearing in mind, u get to enjoy the results as well!!

左左人

天啊，我竟然是左左人！

这是按《早报》的一项性格测试所得到的结果。

左左人--认真又冷酷的完美主义者。虽颇有女人/男人味，但却是这四种类型中，最具有男子气概的。凡事都能条理分明的理论性思考，会凭着一篇大道理迅速打败他（人）。

自尊心极强，正义感也比他人多上一倍。做为朋友是很值得信赖，但若与之为敌就会很棘手。不过，因生性认真又是完美主义者，常会让初次见面的人留下难以相处的不好印象。

不得不承认，还相当准确，但我还不至于冷酷吧？？！！果真如此的话，做起许多事来，反而不会觉得绑手绑脚，可一鼓作气把那些不知死活，惹毛老娘的人，连根拔起，捏得连灰都不剩！

政治

不知不觉，恩也快四岁了，在家带孩子也有若干年。选择这条路，主要原因虽是为了能在孩子的成长过程扮演主导性角色，希望能给予她正确的价值观、教育、管教与母爱，其中也有部分原因，是不太愿意再卷入难缠的办公室政治。

可笑的是，有人的地方，就有“政治”。在外面遇到风风雨雨，还能躲进“家”这避风港。当这最后的堡垒也失陷时，还能往哪儿钻呢？

了解到，孩子在成长的过程中，培养独立的思考是必然的过程。她也慢慢意识到，自己是独立个体，时不时展示那“我要自由”的触角。这一阶段，对没什么耐性的妈妈，的确很具考验。或许她个性有点像妈妈，蛮掘的，要她buy into my logic，需下功夫。但，有一段时期，情况还算ok。最近却有变本加厉的迹象，跟她讲道理，她未必听，还经常来一段“你不喜欢，我偏偏要做”。

昨天，我似乎有了答案--原来那称为“爷爷”的人，竟然对她说了这样的话：“不要听妈妈的话。”孩子亲口说，是“爷爷”在跟她玩时，这样对她说的。我一再求证，告诉她如果事情不是如此，绝不能撒这种谎，因为这会破坏大人之间的感情，她仍咬定她的说法。听了这番话，你可以想象我的心有多气氛吗？

从一开始，他们就不愿与我合作，不愿配合，老爱在孩子的管教、饮食等方面唱反调，这也加强了我一切都要亲力亲为的理念。即使做到死，也绝不开口要求他们的帮助。近几个月，可能他们多少也了解到that is not the clever path to take，至少在我面前也会唱一唱一些较悦耳、合拍的调子。正当我以为终于见到了转机时，冷不防原来已中了高手的冷箭！

是恩在撒谎吗？还是有一股强大的“整治”势力在背后与我抗衡？无论答案如何，都是悲哀的。

我应该怎么处理这情况：-

1。装作若无其事，just let it be???

2。也来一段“笑里藏刀”，“勾心斗角”陪他们玩下去？

3。撕破脸，当场对质？

4。取消"visiting right"以示抗议？

5。学人摆黑脸，让他自己尝尝“无辜”被摆臭脸的感觉？

6。借机指桑骂槐，给他来个下马威？

7。或放更多精力在孩子身上，希望她能学会分辨是非黑白，即使这是一条老路，路上布满荆棘，阻力重重。外来的势力，就随它去吧？

老二也快出世了，心中的压力更是往上升。“家”--为何也要沦陷？

原来如此

恩恩今天有点怪。当我接她放学时，她一见到我就说很累，也不太愿意和余老师说再见。于是，我便先带她上厕所。

正当我们步向电梯时，余老师朝我们走来，然后问恩恩为什么没向她道别？原来之前，有位同学掉了发夹，恩恩把它捡了起来，不愿还给同学。当老师把发夹归还时，她便大哭起来。

当她听到老师的陈述，便又眼眶乏红，哭了起来，便一直说累。当我向她提问，希望她让妈妈知道发生了什么事，好让妈妈帮她解决。她怎么都不肯说，只是一直哭，一直答不愿意说，甚至说她忘了那同学是谁，忘了发生什么事。

我便向她解释，我只想知道发生什么事，如果恩恩有秘密不跟妈妈说，妈妈会伤心的。妈妈只想知道发生什么事，不会责骂她的。我又问她，如果她有一样很喜欢的东西，而朋友拿走了不还她，她是不是会很伤心？答案是肯定的。同样的，如果她拿了别人心爱的东西，那人也会很伤心的。经过了一轮哭诉，说着她有多么喜欢那发夹等等，我一再对她解释，无论她有多喜爱，东西不是她的，她就不应该拿。过一会儿，她便平静了下来。

后来，她终于告诉我，原来发夹是她的好朋友-惠黎的。她也答应我，明天会向惠黎道歉。想必她早前不愿道出事情的原委，应该是知道自己做错了事，怕被责骂。我想，这事件，应该还处理得相当妥当吧。

遐想

或许感情这潭浑水，我玩不起

或许人际关系，我永远无法掌握

或许我根本不属于这个年代

或许我的存在是上帝开了个大玩笑

或许做人应该“笨”一点

或许我才是真正的笨蛋

或许明天会有奇迹

或许今天将是据点

或许人生仅是如此，真实的只有我那手心里的宝

原点

回来之前，早已预知这种状况的到来......

本还抱着一丝期望，一年的经历或许能起着些许作用，现实总还是得接受“距离”的挑战。“距离”越近，“影响”越是如磁铁般展示着它的力量。要来的始终还是来了，我的人生回到了四年前的原点。

有些事永远无法改变，有些人只能盼“距离”这条鸿沟能把他远远地隔开。我甚至为了避开他，宁愿选择离乡背井，离开我的至亲，离开我的避风港，离开我熟悉的环境，为的只是想得到一丝平静，恢复我的家庭宁静，还原我本应有的自由与舒畅。

带我离开吧......

Ballet - Trial at Ballet & Music Co

This is the 2nd trial I brought En for since we came back.

The first was at Dancepointe Taman Jurong. They claimed to have good quality flooring from Harlequin (well, I'm not an expert in this field, so I assumed it must be quite impressive). However, I was very disappointed with the condition as there were bumps around and it looked pretty old. As students and parents etc started streaming in, it reminded me of the first few lessons En had at Bukit Batok CC when she just started ballet. Many kids were clinging to mummies n crying and the trial class was so huge that even 2 teachers couldn't manage the kids effectively. It was obvious En wasn't keen, as she wasn't paying attention least talk about following instructions. Though it was communicated that the actual class would be smaller, we decided to move on, as there wasn't any point if she's simply not interested.

Abt a mth down the road, finally decided to let her try out at Ballet & Music Co in United Square, as it's near her pre-school, so we can just go after class. Initially, En told me that she would not be interested and she wouldn't want to go new class and make new friends. I told her that she wouldn't know if she didn't try and we'd not put her in the class if she really didn't like it. This school is more similar to the one in US, where parents have to stay outside the studio. However, the studio in US has a long window panel for parents to view, while the current only has a small glass opening on the door. Decided to peek for a while to see how En was doing. She seemed to be enjoying herself and paying attention to the teacher, doing what was required. I guessed this should be the one. Better checked with her after lesson to confirm. The moment she met me after class, she said," Mummy, I like this class. I want to continue." Ah! Finally found the one she liked.

Playing Mute to Blabber-Mouth

Met the principal at the lift today, after dropping En off at the assembly hall. So we chatted for a while. She commented that En was doing well in class and a rather well-behaved child, who would voice her views and take the initiative to talk with her friends.

I must say her experience in the States had served her well. She was a reserved gal who wouldn't talk much to outsiders (though she was always talkative around mummy), even to her teachers at her 1st childcare. She was still the same when she first enrolled in Challenger. A few months later, there was once I brought her into class, and her teacher, Ms Jennifer told me," Don't worry, she'd start talking when Mummy leaves." On another instance, while Ms Jennifer brought her to my car, she told me that En said that Mummy would smack her backside if she's naughty. Haha!!! What a transformation! She also went telling her current Principal that we're "homeless" now, while the Principal was chatting with another student about him moving house. Though it's great she's no longer playing mute, she has become a blabber-mouth!!! No more secrets...

As I picked her up from school today, she showed me a lolly-pop. I asked if it was her classmate's birthday again (as they just had 2 bday celebrations last week, right after CNY break). She answered "No". One of her friends named Huili had 2 lollies, and she gave 1 to her. Now she has a special friend too. Not bad Gal!

18

Today is K's birthday and baby's 18th week. I had planned for a night at Sentosa's Siloso Beach Resort's Roof Top Garden Jacuzzi Room. The initial plan was a getaway for just the 2 of us. However, with K starting work at his previous company (which demanded that they put in at least 120% of their stipulated working hrs, n 1 of their weekend/ week or 后果自负), and En in the afternoon session (which meant she had to drop her afternoon nap), thus having to sleep early, father and daughter hardly get to see each other. So, he requested to bring her along. Anyway, we didn't get to do much except for lazing in the room, making use of the roof-top jacuzzi and outdoor rain shower, venturing out for meals and just a short shopping trip at Vivocity.

I have been feeling really tired ever since I had Baby No.2. Though I'm into my 2nd trimester, the discomforts that I encountered during first trimester (tiredness, vomiting, insomnia etc) don't seem to be going off, while the symptoms for 3rd trimester like back ache etc are appearing earlier. In fact, this pregnancy is rather different from the first time where my morning sickness lasted only a while and my 2nd trimester was a breeze - no constipation, even my prob of gastric wind etc disappeared and I had a good appetite.

Baby No.2 is also much more active than En. I started feeling his movement while I was in my 16th week. At 18th week now, I can easily feel him moving, esp ard 10pm at night. The movement is usually quite obvious and it will come on and off for the next half hr or so, unlike En who usually just produced some light kicks here n there n would stop after that. Am I more sensitive or is he going to be one rambunctious rascal???

Anyway I'm wishing for a more comfortable pregnancy ahead and for K's company to show more 人性 (which is quite unlikely, with news of further pay cut etc... wonder if he should have just taken the severance and left initially. Well, I guess things will work out in the end. Just have to rough it out through this bad times).

A New Beginning

Finally, it's En's first day at her new Kindergarten. She's going to meet new teachers and friends at her new class - Nursery Love. Judging from her track record in the States, Day 1 should be a breeze.

Alas! Her eyes started welling with tears the moment she stepped into class. There was already quite a crowd there though we were 15min before time. She clung on to me and refused to let go. Nonetheless, I decided to leave the classroom after playing with her for a while and she started to settle in a little.

As I had to settle some admin stuff with the Principal, I was waiting outside the office as the Principal was busy helping out in the classes. About half an hr or so, I saw the Principal bringing a crying En to the office. Apparently, they were about to give me a call. So, I followed her to the classroom, while the Principal tried to introduce some new classmates to her. Most of the students were with the school the previous year. Luckily I wasn't the only mum there. I stayed in the classroom, encouraging En to play with other kids, while the teachers and Principal busied themselves with the other children who were crying.

After a while, I decided to leave the classroom. En cried again but the Principal was with her. Well, she has to get used to her new school somehow....

An hr before dismissal, I finally got sometime with the Principal. She mentioned En was doing fine. I managed to finalised the switching of class to afternoon and fixed the transportation arrangement with the school bus vendor.

"RRRRIIIIINNNGGGGGGGG", the parents started moving to the lobby and classrooms. En's class was one of the last to be dismissed. She wasn't crying when I picked her.

Let's hope today's episode was due to the crowd. Tmr will be better, same teachers but new friends again. It'll also be the first day that En will be travelling on a school bus. Guess I'll be stuck in school for another 3 hrs, at least to ensure she'll be picked up from school on her 1st bus trip.

P/s: One of En's classmates today was the daughter of an ex-actress, Magdalene Chu (朱乐玲). However, she'll be her ex-classmate tmr, when En moved to N-Grace in the afternoon.

5 vs 53

What do I mean???

Though I'd been ranting about the high cost of health care in the States, this is one case whereby I regretted not bringing En for it earlier.....

Sometime in June, I decided to let En have her Pneumococcal n Hep-A vaccination at Parkway Pediatrics as I had heard from other mummies that the vaccination is very, very cheap (Hep-A is mandatory for admission into certain kindergartens in US). Yes! I paid US$5/ea for the injections. Everyone knows how ex it is to have Pneumococcal jab here in Singapore.

Today, I decided to bring En to CCK Polyclinic for her 2nd Hep-A jab. Apparently not many GPs offer Hep-A for toddlers. The wait was long as we didn't make an appointment. To make matters worse, this was by far the most traumatic vaccination experience for her over the past year. She struggled while the nurse was injecting the needle and had a needle scratch of 1.5cm on her left arm, besides being injected twice. She cried for the next 20+ mins or so and voiced her fear of future injections. The bill - S$53!

It was only with a Dark Choc Gelato that she finally calmed down....

Stress

A year away, I had quite forgotten what it's like to maintain an EXTENDED family life... Everything was quite simple, we plan our activities as n when we liked, had fabulous time with his colleagues, loads of breathing space n freedom. We just need to maintain the weekly call to our families, that's it.

The moment I stepped foot home, the reality that marriage entails 2 other families (besides our little one) smacked me right on my head. No matter how tired I was, there were obligations to fulfill. Besides, having to adjust to living together for 2 person of differing backgrounds is an ongoing task in itself. Now, it just seems more complicated than ever. Just 2 weeks into our new lifestyle (or should I say old... after all it had been like this before we left for our Freedom), cases of unhappiness had already sprouted (of cos not all with my ILs lah. Frankly, putting aside the initial few days, so far things had been going fine with them. Hope it continues...)...

Even though I'm blessed with a place to stay after selling our condo (thanks to the graciousness of my parents), somehow, the urge to have a matrimonial home is still strong despite the fact that market situation is expected to worsen, and we can bang on much better deals a little later. I guess I NEED that breathing space. Put fiery, sensitive, naggy, opinionated characters together, what do u get??? BOOOOMMMM!!!!! Explosions (sometimes it's the inate ones that's really scary n pressurising)!! Won't be surprised if I ended up with pre-natal (instead of post-natal depression ;p)....

It's stressful when u have to balance so many people's wants, needs, opinions, ideas etc... What about my own little family????

送老公上飞机

临晨两点多就起床，K也已与周公说bye bye。再也无法入眠（that's me, insomnia type ;p)，一直到了3.25am左右，便起来梳洗。小瓜也被我的抚摸弄醒，于是便决定带她一同送爸爸上飞机。

到了T1，足足花了45分钟左右才办完登机手续，班机虽然6点起飞，但5.05am就开始登机，结果连一家人一起坐下来吃早餐的时间都没有......

K的眼睛开始发红，接着泪水不由自主地落下。他之前一直取笑我，说登机时不要哭，也不太愿意让我送他到机场，所以我决定不哭的，他却先“投降”，害得我也掉了眼泪。虽然只不过是短短的3个多星期，但自我们在一起之后，也从没分开那么久，特别是有了家庭之后，这么说来，这3个星期还算是漫长的......he won't be around for my birthday, he won't be around for X'mas......

就这样，他带着不舍离开，我带着不舍目送他独自飞回遥远的美国......唯独小瓜，依旧non-chalent......

KJE, BKE, PIE - 3个人的路程，PIE, BKE, KJE - 两颗心的期待。

最后一天

今年的冬天来得比较迟。原本还希望在离开之前，能再一次经历在雪地里游戏、堆雪人、跟小瓜打雪战（上一次下雪，她要求出去玩，可是积雪不深，没让她出去）......可惜！

两个冬季，一样的离别之情，一样的依依不舍，不同的是，当初带着一股对未知的期待，而今则是对回家的期许。

有些人会说，兜了一圈，还不是回到原点。我却觉得这一年是我人生不可或缺的转捩点，不可多得的经历累积。真的没有后悔当初的决定。看到了孩子的成长，变得更独立、活跃、友善，真正过着独立的家庭生活，没有干扰。相信这将是回国后最怀念的一环......

还有就是由他州友善的居民，这里的购物环境（商场宽敞，任何东西买了不喜欢，都能随意退还，factory outlets-super 廉价名牌货），农场和活动空间，到处都是高山的自然景观，小孩的活动......

家，是一定要回的，但绝对会带着一丝不舍......

一切安好

浏览了一些过去的日记，不知不觉，选的都是一些感性或不太开心的回忆。现时今日，忆起往事，还是会掉眼泪，我想有些事，无论埋藏得多深，一旦触及，还是会痛。

或许近日来身体不太舒服，荷尔蒙有点失调（哈哈），枕边人也因为就快变成无业游民，态度较恶劣，导致我的心情也起伏不定，比较grey一点。

哎哟，don't worry lah,一切安好。Looking forward to going home. That's where my support base is.. hehe...

巨变

此时此刻，几个星期来的不稳定，终于有了答案。

一个简讯，打散了不知多少人的期待？摧毁了不知多少家庭的稳定？

接下来何去何从？