I pray for a strong heart

I pray for a strong heart
Carry me through
I pray for abundant love
Let me be
The beacon, the cove, the strength
For my beloved two
Take my love
Engulf them
Let them be forever gay

'我的爱情已进入了坟墓'

Sent from my iPhone

Roseola

This is the first time I came upon this condition.

Kang was down with high fever over the weekends that lasted around 4 days. Prior to this, he had very mild diarrhoea since mid-week. He kept waking up in the night (<1hr between each session) and paracetamol, regular sponging and bathing didn't seem to do much to bring down the temperature. So we brought him to the doctor after 2 nights (Meanwhile, En also caught a mild runny nose and cough). He was prescribed Ibufen, which proved much more effective. However, as his fever was recovering, his diarrhoea took a turn for the worse (although not as bad as when hit by the rotavirus). The day his fever fully subsided, his body broke out in red spotty rashes, even on the side of his face and neck (the sister spotted them first in the morning :)).

We decided to bring him to the doc again if condition failed to improve by the evening. Meanwhile, I ran a check on the internet to see what could have caused the spotting. One particular condition seemed to fit the description of his symptoms most - Roseola. Sudden high fever spanning 3-5 days, may have vomitting or diarrhoea, red spotty rashes (non-itchy) after fever subsides, poor appetite.......

Apparently, this is caused by a type of herpes virus (albeit non-sexually transmitted). It usually hits tots between 6 mths - 2 yrs (adults carrying the virus usually show no symptoms at all). Since condition is usually suspected only upon appearance of rashes (by then, it has already past the most contagious period), it is almost impossible to curb it's transmission (like most virus, it is transmitted by saliva or respiratory droplets — when an infected person sneezes or coughs, for example — or by fecal-oral contact).

Treatment is symptomatic so we'll have to let the virus run it's course (we got some lacteolfort for his diarrheoa). The good news: Once your child has had roseola, he'll probably have lifelong immunity to it.

For now, although he is almost recovered (with diarrheoa improving and the rashes), he is grumpier than ever. Owwwwwwww.... sleepless nights and hair-raising days.....

I asked a question, "How much do you love me?"

After a momentary pause, "I used to love you very much -- till we have kids. x% went to this, y% went to that, so...."

It hurts.

I never knew that is how Love is. I thought Love has no limits. I had a baby gal, now I have a new boy. But it never felt like my love for her has diminished in anyway because of a new addition. Love just grows and grows, to accommodate more.

That was plainly a statement to "justify" or "legitamized" his lost love.

Then he said, "Don't try to misinterpret what I said. If you can't accept it, then don't ask me such a question."

Did I interpret it any other way? Wasn't it simply "I love you less"?

"You have a right to your opinions, but sometimes what you said can hurt people. The day when what you had just said no longer affects me, is the day when you really have to start worrying."

I know that Love may diminish over time, even soured or be completely obliterated. On the other end, Love can flourish, be enhanced and be in abundance. Love can change it's form, from red-hot passion, to a more subdued familial form - To Love him as a husband, a father to my kids, a life partner (unfortunately not as soul mate, for we are too alike in areas which I had hoped not, that it gets stressful to voice what I truly feels ever so often. It would have been better if we had been complementary. That, would be another story.). And that, is a more powerful Love - one that is meant to last and bind.

And thus, it hurts, especially when the message is masked under unfamiliar notions of x, y ,z%......

The 16 mth monster

My boy - he just turned 16 mths today.

At 13 mth, he took his first steps - delicate and careful. Within a mth, he was not just running, but also exploring ladders and such, frequently surprising me of what he is capable of, including pulling himself up a flight of steps to a loft bed!

Today, he picks his own shoes, brings people to where he can find snacks, urges others to bring him out of the house, calls his jie jie and gong gong when he feels like it, swinging himself in his sarong, wanting to feed himself, washes his hair and body, insisting on eating whatever other people eat....

However, some things never change. He is still as stubborn, wakes at night, and loves his daddy the most, despite they being separated for almost 3 mths.

I do get jealous, of cos, being the one that care for him primarily. Would you call that “缘”? Sigh, I'm glad I have my Princess.

Cheap Remedy - Split nails

I have the problem of snagging my nails - quite frequently, that is. Sometimes, I did not even know when/ where/ how they split, especially after I began my life as a SAHM. Of cos, the easiest way to get around it will be to simply trim it off, IF the split had not already gone into the portion where the flesh is. Unfortunately again, this happens almost everytime.

So how? Initially, I had to rely on the professionals - the Manicurist. Ya, and u think they are just there to beautify your nails huh. Sometimes, they can be "life-savers" too. What they do is to patch up the tear with acrylic powders , forming something like a fake nail over your natural nail. The one that I last visited charges $7.50/ nail - a hefty sum for someone that's relying on another person for "income"! It would have been well worth the cost if that could last me till the nail grow out enough to be trimmed. Alas, that NEVER happened. Having to return for "re-servicing" every week (at best fortnightly, for people like me who use their hands excessively for cleaning, washing etc. For true blood Tai Tai, ya, the patch will probably last much longer. In the first place, I don't think they even need such a service, unless of cos, they so carelessly snag their beautifully manicured nails while trying out clothes at Dxxx, Pxxxx etc), and I think they charge you for removing the existing/ failing acrylic layer, that simply translates to "Option Denied".

Sure, I can learn the art of manicuring and just purchase the tools. NO TIME. Luckily, there's an easier n cheaper option available. Orly carries a Nail Rescue Kit that includes a small container of acrylic powder n glue. What u have to do is to simply apply the glue over your entire nail, dip into the powder, wait a while for it to dry, then buff the surface till it's smooth. Walah! Brand-new nail! Ok, the kit doesn't come cheap (think it $20+) and the glue was already dried up when I opened it (apparently a common complaint for this particular item), but the powder can really last. The first time I tried it (after purchasing another nail glue of other brand, which is just a couple of dollars), it didn't work well. The second time, I decided to apply extra layers, and it worked marvelously. Lasted much longer than those salon-done ones, though it wasn't as pretty. But it's sturdy. Worked for me.

Here's the catch - how to remove them when they start to wear off? First time round, I paid some "school fees" again and bought those artificial nail remover that comes with a plastic container n sponge from the same brand. I soaked n rubbed n soaked n rubbed... in the end, I had to use the nail file to try and remove the failed job as much as possible. The liquid dried up before I got to use it for the 2nd round. Then, I read on the web that I just have to get a normal nail remover that is NOT acetone-free, drench a piece of cotton pad with it, wrap it over the nail, and cover the whole thing with foil for 15-20mins. Just tried it earlier. Voila! Nice n Clean!

So, the morale of the story? Cheap and simple solution may very well turned out much better than fanciful (expensive) ones.

Lesson learnt:-

If u r often in the same predicament as me, u may want to take note of the following -

1. Just buy the Orly powder, WITHOUT the glue. U can easily get more affordable and reliable nail glue elsewhere.

2. You DO NOT need a separate remover. Just use your regular one as recommended above. They work just fine, if not better. If yours is the harsher version, u may want to apply some Vaseline on your cuticle to prevent them from drying.

Hope whoever finds this article, can get some value out of it.

If there is a God...

... Why does he have to take my husband away

... Why does he afflict me with such a stubborn virus

... Why does he make my children sick

... Why does he make my baby lose his appetite AFTER I start my course of steroids n antibiotic

... Why does he let my son reject formula now n only wants to be breastfed, when I cannot offer him that comfort

... Why doesn't he touch the heart of that certain someone, so that he will come home and offer some relief, when he is most needed

... Why am I left to fight this battle alone

... Why does the harsh medication seem to have lose their effects

Because he set trials to make people stronger?? So we can overcome ALL the hurdles thrown at the same time and be a changed person overnight???

If there is a God, he is a callous God.

So this is it?

Yesterday was the last day of June Holidays, it may also mark the end of my breastfeeding days.

The doctor finally decided to put me on a course of anti-biotics and steroid as my body is not responding to the regular medication. Thus, I would not be able to breastfeed boy till 1 week after I stopped taking the steroid.

I was intending to take out my pump, in case my breasts get engorged. Last evening, sometime after taking my first dose, I felt a strong letdown sensation and thought that I might need to express. However, feeling my breasts, they weren't hard/ full at all. This morning, I realised my breasts had shrunk significantly overnight, so much that they could actually fit comfortably into my pre-pregnancy bra. Did my milk glands "died" overnight?

Although my initial intention was to stop breastfeeding after boy turned 1, and I'd switched him to partial formula since he turned 10 mths, when the time finally arrives, I still feel a tinge of lost and sadness.

Just now, as he saw me pulling up my shirt, he wanted me to breastfeed him and cried when I refused (kept tugging and pulling my shirt up). Sorry, my darling boy. Mommy would have fed you if I could. Mommy's milk will be doing you more harm than good now. Meanwhile, as we go through this transitional phase, pray that we may all recover from our illness soon.

(Our last breastfeeding session - 27 June 2010, Sun morning)

2 new skills

Besides being pretty adept at stuff like getting down the bed on his own, wanting to kpo n feed himself n standing n playing around his sarong stand, he actually did something new yesterday - to be exact, he offered two surprises:-

1. He blew the whistle. Though not quite loud but he actually did that a few times.

2. He stood on his own. He was standing by the toy boxes when he let go n started fiddling with a rubber band. It was till I raised my voice n warned him to be careful when he got startled and sat down.

I hope he starts walking only when we'd all recover from our illness. Else really no energy to race after him.

Changes along the way

This is so strange......

Even though I know babies n young kids change their habits all the time, but it seems little Kang decided to schedule them all right after his birthday celebration (later than his actual birthday).

He used to be less fussy about missing naps or irregular nap times (something which was an absolute no-no for his sister since Day 1). Right on the day we held his party, he decided to "flex his muscles" and showed what he was actually capable of. He woke up in the middle of the night (which is still pretty common even after we started to introduce partial formula feeding in the night, another strange habit I presumed should have stopped if I weaned him off night-feeds) and wailed inconsolably, even refusing his favourite Daddy's attempts to carry him, waking his granddad from his sleep, again rejecting his offer to carry him and clung on to Mummy (which was definitely not his favourite character before that, only choosing me when he wanted his nene). He pushed and struggled and screamed non-stop and it took him really quite sometime before calming down. I contributed the episode to a mixture of over-tiredness, over-stimulation n a bad tummy due to all the forbidden stuff fed to him by doting uncles (hmmm, u know who u r right ;p). The following few days were difficult, when he refused his food n bottle etc... However, yesterday, during our weekly visit to my ILs, they decided to bring him for a walk during his nap time. I thought since we would be there for less than 3 hrs, I'd just keep quiet n let him catch his nap in the car. It was an absolutely BAD decision. He started grouching when we got into the car and all hell broke lose while we were approaching home. It didn't help when I removed him from his car seat, as he continued to struggle and nearly strangled me with his pushing. I had to hang on to him fervently, for fear that I dropped him while holding my umbrella in the other hand, making sure both kids were sheltered from the rain, as I make my way from the carpark to the lobby. He fell asleep soon after being dropped in his sarong - a sign of extreme tiredness. But that wasn't the end of my woes. He started grouching and wailing again after waking from his nap and refused dinner and was partially consoled when offered my breast. It didn't last. In the end, I had to bring him down for a walk before he finally settled down - a whole 2 hrs saga. At around 1+am, he woke up and duplicated the episode we had on the night of his birthday celebration!!! And finally went back to sleep ard 3am. That left me sleepless for the entire night......

Another incomprehensible act is that, he had decided to boycott the bottle after being introduced to partial formula since 2 months back. The frequency of him refusing to drink his formula has been increasing these few days and he had not taken anything from the bottle for the past 3 feeds, shaking his head whenever being offered one, and getting upset if we repeated our attempts. Suddenly, he decided he wanted to pick up signing "nene" (after simply ignoring all attempts to get him to do so for months. This boy picks on what he wants to learn n shakes his head or ignores u when u're trying to teach him something he's not interested in) and it is only to be used exclusively for Mummy's milk (he did that just now after his swimming session, when it was time for his afternoon feed).

Now, he understands quite a fair bit of what we r talking about. For e.g. when we say beat beat, he'll hit himself on his bum with his hands, when we ask him to drink water and praise him, he'll take his bottle and sip it. Of cos there are more instances.

The Mummy whom wasn't one of his first few choices when it came to playmates, all of a sudden seems to become his close pal. I believe it's probably due to the fact that he is starting to display separation anxiety. Could this be the reason he is refusing his bottles?? Maybe...... I guess my plan to slowly wean him may have to be sidelined for the time being......

Whatever the case, with the changes coming along, I have no choice but to play the bad guy again. It beats tiring myself to death and stretching my boy beyond his tolerance. Afterall, we r the ones to suffer while others simply remain blind to all that happen beyond their scope of view. Sometimes I really feel the strain of having to ferry my younglings all the way down n up every week on my own. Each way is >30mins drive n I know very well the way home will be a torture on most days. Perhaps when something bad happens along one of these trips, then will somebody be "enlightened" and show us some empathy......

我的太阳不见了

漫长的80+天，不知道要怎样过下去？等待、等待还是等待...感觉自己好似急诊室医生，唯一不同的是，I'm on PERMANENT shift, 24小时，每时、每分、每秒都过着紧张，不眠不休的日子。病人时时刻刻都需要我的关注、照顾 and there's no one to take over。Weekdays r bad, Weekends r unbearable. Staying at home is stifling but it beats going out and watching others having their whole family together.

太阳不见了。地球变得冰冷，渐渐失去了她的生命。没有了太阳的地球，到底还能存活吗？

去年的今天

。。。。你这小蛋蛋决定提早出来看世界。好一个凶悍的家伙！你那震耳的啼哭声，如今还在妈妈脑子里响着。

一年下来，你证明了一点--陈颖康是个名副其实的小伙子！只要醒着，你没一刻静得下来。如今会爬，会抚着家具走，更是让妈妈时时都心惊胆战。驾车、骑马、踏脚车、下床、爬桌椅。。。你无一不通。冲凉凉也像大孩子一般，直接用花洒往头上冲。吃东西，喝奶奶总是等不得，一股气把食物快速解决。破坏力更是一等一，别人建，你砸，风扇弄坏了两把。骂你、说你两句，就摔东西，还会跟人吵架，动手。看来，妈妈是不用担心你长大了会被人欺负。

小家伙呀，你怎么那么有主见？无论是吃饭，玩耍，还是往哪个方向走，你总是充满主导性，不愿依他人的意思办，说不吃就不吃，要玩什么，任谁想把它换掉，绝不是件易事，想要往西，要让你往东，恐怕要一番苦战。

妈妈可爱的小儿子，无论你多捣蛋、多调皮，妈妈都欣然接受，心里唯一不太舒服是，为什么你喜欢爸爸多过妈妈？？？

Meet-The-Parents Session

Just came back from the Princess's kindy's MTP session. True enough, there wasn't any major surprises. Ya, she's a social butterfly now and super TALKATIVE - something both teacher affirmed. Hmmmmm....

On the positive note, she's:-

1. Confident of herself, something I'd always wanted to develop (being a victim of low self-esteem myself, this trait has always been the No.1 thing I want to build-up in her).

2. Has great influence over her friends, esp. the girls = ring leader (what her form teacher said. Sounded negative, though teacher mentioned it's a compliment. Ring leader??? Like head of gang). Yes, put to good use, this can take her far in life but I reminded her it's a double-edged sword and she should always use this strength for good causes.

3. Can articulate her thoughts well.

4. One of the stronger ones in Chinese class, though she obviously prefers to converse more frequently in English (but it's very difficult to teach her to recognise English words, though we read every night. Could it be the genes???)

5. Last but not least, she eats her meals provided by the school. Sometimes she'll even ask for more. That's good, for there was a period whereby she asked to bring snacks from home but used it as a lunch replacement. Till I found out and forbade her to do it again.

Frankly speaking, I'm quite the hands-off Mom, meaning I don't study with her a lot (esp. after the arrival of No.2) nor send her for loads of enrichment to build her brains. Being a Singapore Kid is stressful enough, my belief is that she should enjoy her childhood as much as she can, while she can. Once she enters P1, that's when she'll be pushed into the inevitable fate of Studying, Studying, Studying, like all the children of our nation, just so she makes the cut and becomes a "successful" person, someone whom her family can be "proud of" (of cos the term "family" does not only include your father, mother, brother etc.), more so she can be an acceptable part of our elitist society.

She may never be the brightest, or the smartest, with tonnes of awards under her belt. But she can feed, dress, bath herself (and many more) and helps to take care of her brother sometimes. Occasionally, she came back telling me her teachers praised her for being able to clean-up the mess independently and that "Mommy has taught you well". Raised in a society of 衣来张手，饭来张口 kids, I'm glad she surpasses many in these basic life skills (although this is also very much forced by the circumstances we are in).

Darling, Mommy is PROUD of you.

Horse riding

The exciting part was when he stood on the seat of his horsie!! Didn't manage to catch it on video. Scary!

难

再也无法忍受那群以华文“难”为前提，势必逼迫华文一而再，再而三地降级的无根浮萍！

生、养、教育孩子不难吗？那就不生lor。英文，数学，物理，人文等等等，难道没人喊难，没人因此受影响，总比分被拉低吗？也不见得有什么英文B、科学B等课程的出现（当然了解数学有分为E、A等等。可是要明白的是，即使是我们的基本数学，已比许多欧美国家的水平来的高）。

Ok！如果你要说，以上科目比较有实际用途，我想你的想法应该已落伍了10年吧！以目前的形势而论，接下来的20年里，中国要成为龙头老大，已不再是天方夜谭。到时才来搞华文复兴，把CL1提升为必修课？？？太迟了！

怎么会有人把自己的优势转为怠势？Why choose to be monolingual when the system had been set in place for you to pursue an effectively bilingual (even trilingual n multilingual, considering the structure of our society) education and lifestyle? And the irony is, many of those who go all out singing the tune that they do not know their MT, actually cannot communicate effectively in their oh-so-beloved English (put them with the native speakers and you'll get what I mean).

7

Now he has 7 teeth, this time discovered by Jie Jie again.

The 7th, is a Canine on his upper right gum:

4CI (2Up + 2L), 2LI (Up), 1Ca (RUp) = 7

OUCH!!! He bites oh, so frequently when I breastfeed him these days.

Why doesn't he EAT?

Or should I say, "Why doesn't he eat his normal meals"?

He used to be a good eater, finishing his food within lightning speed of 10-15 min during most meals, till a few days ago.

Since last Friday, he'd been sleeping with Ah Ma, as we are trying to sleep train him by disassociating sleep with breastfeeding. At around the same period, he started losing interest in his meals. I tried changing his food, even giving him rice instead of the usual porridge but he just wouldn't eat. Even with fruits like papaya, pears n apples, at most he'd just manage a little n simply refused to take anymore. However, he liked milk. Initially, it was just breast milk during the day n he'd only drink a little if offered formula. Now, he loved both. N "junk" - plain bread n baby biscuits.

Why? Why? Why?

Is it bcos of the changes to his sleep arrangement? Or due to teething (but he already grew 6 n hadn't been bugged by this problem before)??

This time round...

...frankly speaking, I'm not looking forward to it. B'cos:-

1. We will not be going.

2. I'll be stranded with 2 kids 24/7.

3. He's leaving in early June, missing the school holidays (they actually wanted to whisk him off on his son's 1st birthday!!).

4. It will be for a good 3 months, I foresee (It was bad enough when he wasn't around for a month the previous time).

The only silver lining that I see -- (online)shopping in US, fully sponsored (I hope)!

My family is "breaking apart".

Watch me drive

Get me a License!

At 10 months, the Boy can ride a horse, a tricycle and drive a car. Don't believe??

Watch this... (ahhhhhhh I can't upload the video no matter how many times I tried... gotta make do with the pics then)

Haha!! Of cos it isn't the real deal.... but he is really steady compared to his sister. These were toys she had after she past the 1 yr mark. To begin with, she needed more help and attention and she was going backward for quite a while before learning how to go forward. However, she was a much better learner when it came to signing and other cognitive related stuff. So, I guess girls and boys do develop differently?? At least for mine....

A little stress
A little down
Mommy's tired, somewhat forlorn
A little love
A little hug
My Darling Babies
My Strength and My Snug