I Wish

I wish upon the stars,

to watch upon my precious,

keep them safe from harm,

let them sleep in peace.

I wish upon the wind,

let my troubles fly,

as far as u can,

let me be free.

I wish upon the bright, bright sun,

shine upon me, with all your might,

cast my gloominess aside.

Show me a path, to the paradise I so longed for......

Why is there such a person????

I really don't understand, is it so difficult to respect other's privacy, leave them some breathing space?

Why? Why? Why? When I show u some degree of friendliness, u have to test that limit, comes over everyday, always around dinner and to top it off - WITHOUT INFORMING ME!

Can't u learn to respect other's time? I may not be free, I may have to feed my baby, I may want to go out?

Can't u respect other's space? I may not wish to entertain guests, I may want to do my own things, I may simply want some quiet time.

It's really dejavu, cos I had seen these images clearly in my mind before, and it's happening real time now. And I'm absolutely pissed cos it has been proven again that he will always be someone else's son.....

我的心情很“忧”

刚生产的产妇，心情较为郁闷是可以理解的。在这段期间，更需要家人的体谅与关心。

不幸的是，不仅因为初期伤口所带来的不适，而无法好好休息，孩子又得进出医院，而一切得由我一人包办，自己到医院、诊所去，一天上下好几回，身心本已疲劳不堪，更糟的是，还得被他人的情绪所累，搞得心力交瘁，甚至很想就此放弃，带着两个孩子远离这是非地。

9年的光景，我终于忍无可忍，发了一通我早该发的简讯。我做好了最坏的打算，一通挂上白旗，宣告投降，为的仅是换回我与孩子过宁静日子的权利。希望他能懂得珍惜那不被重视，但是却十分孝顺的儿子，祝他快乐。

其实，我并不期待他会有任何反应，更不想再纠缠下去，正好他打电话来时，孩子在哭闹，也就顺理成章的不接来电。他还是来了，我们谈了一段时间，把累积在心里的话说了出来，虽然是有些许的帮助，解除了燃眉之急，但是从这次的交流，其实我能感觉到，大家仍是有自己的一套理解与做法，要真正达到共识，绝非一件易事。更重要的是，我们之间的那道桥梁，扮演着极其重要的角色。如果他始终无法尽这沟通之桥的重任，情况恶化的局面，在所难免。

我不能因为别人的老思想，而为我的人生作出妥协。更讽刺的是，他明知道这是老派思想，话里行间讲的都是“面子”问题。当你要别人顾及你的面子的同时，你可曾照顾过他人的感受与立场？

看来目前的情况只是缓兵之计，无论他有多好，始终还是别人的儿子。

Finally...Home

As usual, I woke up and gave the Nursery a call to check when is Baby's next feed at ard 6.30am. Was told that he just had his milk, and that I'd just need to go at about 10am. That's kinda a long stretch from his current feed so I thought I'd just go earlier. After checking with the nurse, I was told that I'd probably only know if he can be discharged at 10+am after the doc checks him. So I have to lug his EBM supply with me. Since he may be going home later on, I decided to pack his clothing, mittens and wrap.

Left the house with all the barang barang at 8.35am and reached KKH at 9.10am. Decided to get a magazine first least I may need to wait for Baby to be certified for discharge later. By the time I reached the Nursery, I was told that the doc will be giving him his check and that I can feed him after.

Yeah! He can come home today. So I got about to feeding him, before changing him. The nurse briefed me about feeding him more frequently today so he excretes more, as I'll need to bring him down to the polyclinic again tmr for SB check. Also got a surprise - his umbilical cord had fallen off.

So I got about packing the EBM (which was left in the Nursery's fridge just after I arrived), Pampers, wet n dry tissues, then lugged 2 big bags on each shoulder, scooped my darling and headed for our drive home. Not bad huh, doing everything alone. Haha... the senior nurse commented I was an efficient mum. Great to hear that hehe....

Ahhh... Home Sweet Home....

The Naked Batman

Called the Nursery this morning ard 6.30am to enquire when is Baby's next feeding. They told me he was just fed at 6am so the next feed will be ard 9am. Thus, I canceled my postnatal massage appointment, and started getting ready to visit him at 7.45am. Of cos I brought with him my 3 bottles of frozen EBM, packed in a tuppleware of ice and drove myself there.

It was close to 9am when I arrived as there was heavy morning traffic. However, the nurse told me that he was sleeping. I told her it's his feeding time and I was informed to come down at this timing. Thus, they allowed me in and when I got to see him, what greeted me was a little naked Batman (dressed only in his diapers and sleeping on his tummy as if he was kneeling). Ya, he had this white mask ard his eyes... Poor thing.

He refused to wake up no matter how I nudged him but finally decided to suckle and feed with his eyes closed. After feeding for about 15min on one side, he refused to open his mouth when I tried to get him to latch on the other side. No matter how i teased his mouth, he just won't open it. One stubborn fellow. So I had to give up after trying for about 5min and passed him back to the nurse, as I was told that it's better not to carry him away from the light for too long.

Apparently, he was put on 2 lights instead of 1, which was discussed previously and they just switched to 1 light this morning around 8am. This meant that he had to be monitored for another 24hrs before we know if he'll be released. His jaundice level did drop to abt 260, which is still not good enough.

Sigh, guess I'll drop by the hospital again this evening with Daddy to top up his EBM supply and give him one night feed. Hope to see a less "yellowish" n more alert boy....

"Vital Statistics"

Decided to record down some numbers, just so that if there's a "next time", at least I have something to refer back to sooth my worries:-

Baby's First Poo - early morning the next day in hospital. Was informed by the nurse when she passed him to me for first feed in the morning. Then he stopped totally and I had to check with the nurses from KKH's Call-a-Nurse helpline when he was 3 Days old. Was told to monitor one more day, and if he still hasn't poo by end of next day, then we'll have to bring him to the doc. God bless he pooed a little nearing end of his 4th day. From then on, there's no stopping him.

Photo-therapy - admitted after 2nd SB check-up at polyclinic (6th day after birth. SB level had jumped from 147 to 297). Told by doc his weight is fine so he'd only go on one light, which translated to an earlier release. However, he'd need to be under the light for min 24 hrs. So earliest possible timing for discharge will be 5pm this evening. Crossing my fingers.

Mummy's First "Cake Baking" Session - Tried once in hospital, just couldn't make it. All I felt was more pain from the pushing and was advised by the nurse not to do it, so that I don't hurt my wound. Was informed by Doc that patients will usually only start again after discharge from hospital. Guess wat? Even with the liquid paraffin, it just wouldn't work. Finally, my poor contipated xxx got it's relief after 5 whole days! Trust me, the whole area felt so much relaxed n the pain more bearable after the episode.

Itching - Was down with the ITCH for both times. Though the symptoms were different. First time was hives, now rashes. Looks like heat rash to me, but the affected area is huge, spunning almost the entire body. Cause(s) unknown as of now.

Perineal pain - started getting excruciating after effects of epidural wore off. Taking 2 types of pain killer (paracetamol n Mefenamic acid only helped that much). Gotten much better only after the first major loo visit.

It's totally UNBEARABLE

Just when I need more energy and strength, why do I have to break out in rashes???

The intolerable itching is really killing me, especially when nothing I tried works - showering, creams, antihistamine, heat rash powder... what else???!!!! How did the rash come about? The last time I had hives during confinement, and now..... am I fated to itch after birthing??

Ahhhh! And I have to take my milk down to KKH for Baby and breastfeed him. The GP won't be open till 8.30am. Don't care lah, guess I'll go down to the hospital first to feed him before proceeding to clinic. Just gotta bear with it.

Sianz......

Jaundice AGAIN!

The same thing happened to En 4 years ago.

Baby Ying Kang was diagnosed with SB reading of 147 the day after his discharge from hospital. We went for a review today at CCK polyclinic and the numbers shot to 297.

Frankly speaking, I had expected something like this to happen, cos this was exactly the same case for En. He looked really yellow since a few days ago and I had more or less predicted that he might be admitted to KKH for photo-therapy during today's visit. True enough, this was the case.

Even though this has been something which I had anticipated, it pains me to have to send him to hospital and leave him there alone. Everytime I see them pricking his little foot and squeezing blood from him, it just felt so bad. And if it's going to be anything like En's experience, he will have to go through this painful process for the next 1 mth plus....

The only thing that I can do for him now is to express as much milk as I can for him, so that he still gets Mummy's love when I can't be around. I will bring them to him tomorrow morning and pray that he can be discharged by evening.

Mummy loves you.

老公，我真的要对你说声谢谢！

很多时候，我都会在这里发发对你的牢骚，其实我要让你知道，在我心里，你还是很不错的。

就拿这几天来说，自从小颖康呱呱坠地，你就一直陪在我身边，无论是扶我上厕所，帮我拿水、拿食物、药物，半夜起床把Baby抱给我，替Baby冲凉、换尿布、抱抱他......没有你的照顾，关心，这些日子我真的不知要怎样过。

明天，你就要回到那地狱般的工作，虽然有妈妈在，可是我真的不敢想象你不在的日子。特别是，我的伤口还是很痛、很痛，痛得连在床上翻个身，都有问题，更不用说坐立或上厕所。

What will I do without u, my Pillar of Strength??

陈颖康 - 终于看见你的脸

2009年6月2日 - 日盼夜盼，我的小颖康终于决定来报到。

1am： 起床，再无法入眠。

2.30 - 4.30am： 数数数，大概每5分钟就一次阵痛。是时候叫爸爸起床了。

5.30am：到医院报到。这次较麻烦，要在一楼登记，再到二楼的Delivery Suite。回答了一些诸如几时开始阵痛，多频繁等等等问题，终于到产房报到。接下来就是换衣，让护士检查，继上monitor，等待Dr JT的到来......

医生穿着T-shirt来报到，接下来就是刺破羊水袋，吊点滴（包括催生剂Oxytoxin）。Dr JT说如果要注射epidural，最好是8时过后，用一剂就好了；p。心想，没问题啦，结果7.30am左右，阵痛越来越剧烈，终于忍到八点，注射了epidural。

之后，JT 又来检查了一次，大概只dilate了3cm。他说前5cm较慢。果然，11+时许，几分钟内便从5cm扩张到10cm。接下来，就是push,push,push,等医生来接生。终于，护士叫我别在push了。12时后，JT来了，再推几下，Baby终于出来了！这次我真的看到他出来的过程！12.15pm - 你终于来了。

What a feisty fellow! 一出来就发出响亮的啼哭声，一直到做了所有的清理工作，量体重、体积等等，Baby到了我怀了，开始喝nene，才安静下来。

~ 产房里

~ 一天大

~ 父子

~ 四天 - 与姐姐在一起

~ 四天

This Is It....

This is the last time I will see my Baby in 2D B/W.

Had felt my baby really low yesterday afternoon, just above my vaginal... then I felt like peeing every 10 mins or so.... By the time I left home to fetch K for my Gynae check up, the cramps on my lower abdomen became really frequent and it lasted hrs even after the check-up. I had a feeling it couldn't be too far...

True enough, Doc JT "certified" me as 1.5cm dilated. Baby is going to come anytime during the next few days. So he gave me 2 options:-

1. Let nature takes it course - set appointment for next Mon and get ready to go hospital anytime

2. Fix appointment to go hospital on Fri

I'd been experiencing loads of discomfort for the past days n practically having 3 hrs or less sleep each night, so I told him ASAP.

Guess what he said??? Then come in hospital on Wed 7.30am and we'll induce u (so there was a 3rd option).

Ok lor, Baby will come out latest tomorrow......

As I'm typing away, I can already feel the contractions coming n going between 5-10 min interval (not the lower abdomen cramping)... it could be today... and I certainly hope so.. Had been up since 1am... It's a good timing he's coming when En just started School Holidays, so that I can fetch her to school in 1 mth's time... though En will probably have to miss her "promotion" to Pre-Primary Ballet class this afternoon... will wait it out at home today... Guess both my darlings will be out in 38.5 weeks....

Bless us :)