妈妈的新年愿望

关关难过，关关过。

今年，要抱着比以往更积极的态度，相信“天将降大任于斯人也，必先苦其心志，劳其筋骨，饿其体肤，空乏其身，行指乱其所为，所以动心忍性，曾益其所不能。”——《孟子。告子下》

所以，尤先向阿咪学习，今年的座右铭既是：-

把吃苦当吃补

要修身，必先养性。有太多缺点需改进，能丢的就丢，丢不掉就设法收敛：-

1。各人有各人造化，避免做无谓比较，珍惜属于自己的福气。

2。活得更自信，别太在意他人怎么想、怎么看。重要的是，问心无愧。

3。让心情更平和，无论对人、对事，尽量能不发作，就不发作。

4。常提醒自己，清洗脑袋，把不好的记忆刷，刷，刷，全都扫出去，留下美好、值得珍藏的东西。

5。少管闲事。别人家的事，干我屁事？？！！！何苦如此动怒，既伤神，又伤身。神经病！

老天爷，新任务，我接下了！

言尽于此，希望接下来的日子，能更努力经营好我的人生。

I Still Miss....

..... the snow-capped mountains and white flurries in the cold winter months

..... the trees of white, purple, pink following the thawing of the ice

..... the wonderful summer days when kids come out to play

..... the dazzling red and orange, betraying the tranquility that surrounds

Not forgetting...

..... the Wonderful people, the Peace, the Family life that I treasured and once beheld.


"We have gone one full cycle. Opportunity knocks again. Truth be it, I wish for another chance, even if it may be a short one. However, deep inside, I have a feeling it won't be the same. This time round, we probably won't go......"

The Yardstick of Life

How much does a human life cost? Difficult to quantify right.. I would have to say, it all depends....

Let me quote an e.g., Baby LOVED - born with multiple disabilities to a set of parents Bob n Jane, already tied down by mounting housing loans, credit card bills n loans from meeting everyday basic needs. The medical bills to be incurred for treating Baby LOVED, or just to extend his life for maybe a couple of years, perhaps just months or days meant that the family would be thrown into a spiraling whirlpool of financial distress. But never for a second did Bob n Jane stop to contemplate the course of action they should take. For them, it's a simple decision - No matter what they have to give up, they were willing to go forward, even if it meant that Baby LOVED could have just 1 more day left, they would make it the happiest day for him, whatever the cost. Baby LOVED died soon after, because Bob n Jane couldn't afford to send him to a better medical facility.

Just 2 streets down the road, in a pristine district where every household was guarded by high walls n stringent security, Baby Posh, born to Charles n Chloe, was given the best the moment she entered this world - clothing from the likes of LV, Ralph Lauren etc., Nursery decorated n furnished with the softest of silk.... but Daddy n Mummy were hardly at home. Well, Baby Posh had an entire cohort of servants, nannies to serve her, so it didn't matter. Once, Baby Posh fell n to the horror of her care takers, it left a scar on her pretty chin. When Charles n Chloe were informed of the mishap, they swiftly dialled the number of their trusted Aesthetic Surgeon. Within a couple of weeks, Baby Posh couldn't be any prettier than before.

Why, Baby LOVED's life is worth so little, some may say. It's just his "luck" to be born to parents like Bob n Jane. While Baby Posh, the princess of Charles n Chloe, with just a tinkle n her skin is bright as porcelain again.

How can we compare the value of one whose life is worth ALL the love of his parents to one whose just worth whatever money could buy? I know many beg to differ...

Ultimately, how much is my life worth?? For some, perhaps as much as the air we breathe (I certainly hope so) or for others, less than the few shillings in their pockets lying in a stash of notes???

Baby, Baby

This year is certainly a Baby Boom year, at least for friends and relatives ard me :)

Since I returned from the States, I had already known of 5 new babies, with 1 just delivered over the weekend (all boys haha). And there will be more to receive in 2009 (at least 3 more, including mine, of cos :)).

Frankly speaking, not all the pregnancies were/ are smooth-going. In fact, for one of my close frens, she had pregnancy complications for her past pregnancies. However, looking at the adversities that she faced, be it through her pregnancies, family challenges, relationship issues etc, I truly marvel at her tenacity in the face of problems. Seldom did I hear her complaining, whenever she talked abt the issues she faced, they were usually in a matter-of-fact manner. Rather than lamenting on how "unfortunate" she was, she took everything in her stride, focusing on finding solutions, instead of wallowing in self-pity. It's not for me to share her challenges here, but believe me, many would have given up/ broken down if put in her shoe ( I certainly won't fare as well). For someone with her strength, I certainly hope that she'll be blessed with an easy pregnancy this time round. If God had meant for the previous experiences to be a test, she has proven herself way beyond expectations.

Perhaps due to a difference in life experiences, family background or simply character build-up, there r also some who find it tough to face up to the changes brought about by the new life growing n blossoming in their body. It is understandable that every pregnancy is unique and so is the body of every mum-to-be. Sometimes, it is ez to fall prey to the depressing feelings n discomforts, esp with raging hormones working against us ;p, not withstanding the fact that it may be difficult to get the men ( which by no fault of theirs, that they haven't the opportunity to go through the exhilaration of carrying a new life in their body, to marvel at experiencing the tiny one boxing ard in their tummy) to empathies with what we're going through and the price we have to pay thereafter (the "disfigurement" of our body - flabby tummy/ bumps, drooping b**ps, cellulite, varicose veins, stretch marks etc. They would rather invest in a new set of rims for their tyres than pay for "re-constructive" work to be done on our "abused" wares which need some extreme makeover). However, as mothers (or future mums), we have a life we need to be responsible for, to care n protect, to give the best we can n nurture for, so that he/ she may grow to be a happy n healthy (be it physically or emotionally) individual. Shouldn't we strive to be a living example n try to lead happier lives ourselves?

For me, I'm far from a saint. I have my complaints abt the discomforts of pregnancy, abt wanting more attention from my hubby. Plague by insomnia, back ache, PGP, with a bump n thighs growing way beyond proportion, breathlessness that comes even when I'm sitting, lying down or standing still that causes bolts of faintness n panic attacks and recently Carpal Tunnel Syndrome which causes pain in my right hand, I can be assured of more to come in the following mths. However, I must say, in general, I do enjoy being pregnant! This is a privilege for women. The thought of having a new life in me, someone I can call MY baby, this is enough to carry me through.

I know that when Baby 2 comes along, there will be a period where I may be going through some depressing moments, when I will feel like I'm going crazy, when I will be asking if I'd ever be able to bond with him, when even my mum will be doubting if I'll be able to handle life as a mum all over again..... however, I know one day, as I look back, I will relish at those moments just as I am doing now with my darling En. Being the Stubborn One, somehow, I will manage to raise n nurture my 2 babies, be it through more knocks on the wall, even lesser Me-time whatsoever. Simply because I am a MOTHER.

To: Fathers/ Fathers-to-be

Don't forget to show more support for your wives, pamper them a little if u can. It's never ez to go through the process of child-birth.

And if u're thinking of splurging on that new Tag Heuer, or that new car, or some spectacular sports rim, or a new golf set, or simply u have a little extra to spare, some sponsorships for "reconstructive" work on your IMPORTANT other half will be greatly appreciated, bearing in mind, u get to enjoy the results as well!!

Is it Too MUCH?

How much effort can a person put in for his work?

How much effort can a person put in for his friends?

How much effort can a person put in for his father/ mother/ brothers etc?

How much effort can a person put in for his wife?

How much effort can a person put in for his child?

110%, 110%, 110%..... for the last two, any value is TOO MUCH. (perhaps the numbers may not be that accurate but the message is clear - that it's easy to be taking your closest ones for-granted)

At the end of the day?

How many actually self-reflect on the consequences? Touch your heart. When things happen n your child is not close to u, is it easier to simply push the blame on others or to take heart and really think what should be done? Years go by, till this day, probably I'd told myself hundreds of time that I'd given up, but deep down, I hope for a change.

How long can this turmoil last, before the heart really dies and every hope fizzles off???

了解

浏览着友人的部落格，阅读着他这几年来的生活点滴、经历、见解......突然发觉，这是我认识的他吗？
是他变了？生活改变了他？工作相对的安稳，经济较许可，所以人生的规划也不同了？可否是网路开辟了一片让他畅所欲言的空间？还是我一开始就从没了解过他？或是过于自我，认定对方屁股摇一摇，我就知道他在想什么，遮蔽了自己的双眼？还是以往那强势的我，逼得他把真实的自己掩藏起来？
原来，他竟是一个那么有强烈自我意识的人。

Fate has it's way......

This day 7 yrs ago. It wasn't entirely by fate that we met (as it was an arranged occasion by our mutual friend - his army days buddy, my soon-to-be ex-colleague then). However, I would say that the circumstances that led to this meeting was somewhat an act of fate.

B joined my department just a couple of weeks before K & I were being introduced. Somehow, I clicked very well with him, as I totally couldn't tolerate my fellow trainer. Was kind of relieved that someone better had joined us, someone who would not have needed the Big Boss staring at his desk ordering him to clear up by X hrs, someone who would not jump to me XXX no. of times saying he lost his material, someone who would not take the material I spent loads of time preparing and simply zapped it while I wasn't around, making it his own....... Anyway, this was short lived, as B tendered his resignation soon after.

Every cloud has a silver lining, as I heard some saying. Perhaps the impending departure set his panic button ringing, how could he have let this really nice girl, such a good catch, slip by and not introduce her to his buddies??!!! Of course, he must do something! So an outing was proposed: my female colleague and I would meet 2 of his friends at a pub on Fri night. Then, WE met. It wasn't like there were sparks flying, when 4 eyes met etc (Yucks!! So 肉麻). Didn't even take his vehicle home as he was riding a bike and he didn't have the confidence to send a girl home (come on! I'd been on a bike even before I can ride a bicycle). So, I took his friend's car.

Following that, there was a movie outing on following week and we got together that very Sat, on our 3rd outing (within a span of 8 days). 很闪电hoh! As experience had taught me, it's not the number of years u had known someone that counts.

And so, I will have to admit, FATE has it's way of bringing people together (else Y would I have gotten to know B at that particular period, when he was about to leave the company, yet came over to my dept for that short time-frame). Shouldn't I learn to treasure this relationship more and apply more tolerance? Mr K, u should count yourself SOOOO LUCKY (不知道积了几世的德)to be able to find me loh!!!! (臭美？No no, 是很美。哈哈哈哈)

生活

我的生活全围绕在孩子身上。

我想，这是我下意思这样做的吧。且先撇开这是否健康，毕竟间中的原因有很多。孩子还小，在照顾她的这段岁月里，我清楚地感受到母女之间的情感联系是很直接的--自己付出多少，就相对得回多少。像每夜陪她睡，帮她洗澡，和她说话，跟她玩耍这些琐碎的事，日积月累，孩子自然会跟你较亲，你在她心目中的地位是无人可取代的。当你得扮演“坏人”管教她时，这样的关系是非常重要的。

当然，有人会说：“那孩子不是变得很粘你？”是的，每一件事都有正反两面，孩子粘我，我的自由也被限制。站在我的立场，这何尝不是一种优势。在孩子很小的时候，我就面临要孩子断奶的压力，原因是一些人会较方便将孩子抱走。我坚持了下去，日子久了，孩子变得更亲近我，一到夜里，任谁都别想把她从我身边带走，除非能受得了她闹。哈！正中我下怀！因为有些人就是怕她闹！

会不会担心她因此而变得太依赖我？其实还好。这段日子的观察，当她在不熟悉的环境时，就需要相熟的面孔陪伴（不一定是我），而这种情况在她年龄相仿的孩群中相当普遍。我也就较放心了。

或许把心思都投注在孩子身上，也是因为没有其他人或物值得我去灌注那么多的情感吧！

For The Safety of My Child

The safety of one's child is of utmost importance to a mother.

However, many people do not think likewise. Does the inconvenience of using your own vehicle surpasses that of a child's safety? Or even just taking the public transportation? For many, the answer is "Yes". It greatly saddens me to think that these people can be your nearest of kins, those that professes they love your baby - grandparents, uncles/aunts and even daddies!

Minor incidences don't seem to be able to knock senses into them, nor the true tragedies that we so often hear about. Is it that Singaporeans generally have a false sense of security? Or can it be simply because it's not their children? Are we waiting for something tragic to happen before we awaken from our stupidity??? By then, I'm afraid it's too late. Not every lesson needs to be learnt through self experiencing it.

As a mother, I feel a strong sense of failure when I'm unable to safeguard my child's welfare - in this case, we're talking about something as precious as a young life, when nobody seems to understand and I'm fighting a lonely battle. The next time, I promise, no matter how ugly the scene might become, I'll take a cab myself, under the uncompromisable condition that my baby gets strapped in her car seat for the entire journey.

I'm hoping with all my heart that someone or organisation out there can start a nationwide campaign to educate all on the importance of using the car seat.

Strapping your child in the car seat isn't just a Traffic Police's propaganda.

It concerns the life and death of your child!

~desperate Mommy

请叫我“全职妈妈”

“家庭主妇”给人的印象总是成天在家里煮饭、打扫，上菜市场爱杀价，学历低，懒得打扮自己的auntie。虽然蛮抗拒自己被套上这四个字，可是更不屑于被称为taitai。

Taitai不就是那些一天到晚打扮得漂漂亮亮，即使在家也得全身珠光宝气，家中有无数佣人供使唤，“工作”范围除了泡spa，上美容院，做头发等，就是逛名牌店“血拚”，以提高自己的身份和“气质”。

对不起，这份“殊荣”我实在受不起。首先，我实在没有这种闲情逸致到这类高档场所去。更重要的是“资金”来源有限，没办法如此大手笔地去促进我国的经济发展。

我想，“全职妈妈”才是最适合我的称呼吧！因为我的“工作”就是好好哺育小恩恩，让她快快乐乐，健健康康地成长。我不愿在孩子的成长过程中，当一位“隐形”妈妈，更不希望孩子的价值观受到他人影响或左右。

每一个选择，必定有所要付出的代价。最终，一切到底值不值得，就看你对人生的定义是什么。

Dedicated to Baby Kaleb - Pass it on

The video attached speaks the sad story of a baby boy who's but 6 mths old.

Whether you are parents to young children, child-minders or just anybody concern about child abuse, do take some time to view it and pass it on.

Sometimes we do things in a fit of anger, please bear in mind that the consequences can be severe and irreparable.

Pray for baby Kaleb.

Add to My Profile More Videos

This is definitely not the 1st case. Let's try to make it the last.

I Love my "Job"

On and off, I get the feeling of frustrations from taking care of Baby En. For SAHM, it's like a 24/7 job. And when I get the occasional "off", it's actual work-time. So, there isn't much of private time to speak about.

Sometimes, you feel like you'll like to laze around and watch the 8.30pm programme on TV but it's her bedtime. As always, Mummy is the one who has to put her to bed. Well, if she guai guai goes to bed, then it's not too bad. However, when she's up to some mischief again, you really have to fight the urge to "strangle" her.

Just like any other job, you get your good days and bad days. It can be a breeze if she behaves well (that's when you know the tonnes of effort you put in at instilling discipline is working). And just when you're happily praising yourself at the results, the little monster decides to unleash itself and wreak havoc (perhaps after a day away from the "clutches" of Tyrant Mummy). That's when it really gets on your nerves, for what took you months to inculcate, comes to nought overnight and the cycle repeats itself. Sigh......

Putting aside the frustrations, being a full-time Mummy is the most rewarding career that I'd have so far. It has taught me to be much more patient and it's a job I can never, ever quit. Hey, that requires quite an amount of determination and perseverance ok!

Come on, look at it this way. Some mummies will be so green with envy that I can have my baby by my side, smelling her sweetness and busking in her kisses every night (not to mention listening to her saying "I love Mummy" over and over). When she wakes up occasionally at night now (ya, I know it's a disruption to your PRECIOUS sleep-time), the first person she calls out for is Mummy. It goes to show Mummy is a really important person to her (Ha, I hear someone saying losing sleep is nothing worth raving about. Sour grapes!). Moreover, soon enough, you'll find that she might not want you with her in her bed anymore. Thus, it's definitely worth treasuring it when she still loves your company.

Motherhood is GREAT!!!! (Only downside is $$$$$$ not enough)

Writing

Only recently do I discover that writing is one of my passion. Not that it didn't occur to me before but rather there wasn't any motivation for me to write.

I'm not the sort of writer who's able to profess my thoughts through flowery languages, or one that has an abundance of imagination. Writing is but one avenue for me to vent my frustration, air my thoughts and to record down memories of Baby En's growing up days.

Prior to starting my own blog, I had this habit of picking up any scrap pieces of papers to scribble on whenever my emotions got triggered big time and I have no where to vent them. These writings usually got missing/ disposed etc. after the incidents. But the bad feeling lingered, for I felt I was the only one bearing all these, with no one to turn to. Now, with my own blog, somehow it feels better, for somewhere out there, be it someone I know or just any strangers who chanced upon my pages, at least there's someone "listening". Quirky you may think. "Why does anyone want to 'air their dirty linen in public'? "some may ask. To me, it's like having someone there to share your problems with, without having to force it upon them to listen if they don't want to (like if I were to call up people).

Strangely, I slowly develop feelings of self-worthiness, knowing what I'm writing does touches others' life in one way or another. By chance, it has also created opportunities for me, for e.g. being selected as one of the Mommy Bloggers for Channel 8's programme - Superkids. I finally have some budget whereby I can dispose freely for the enrichment of Baby En (Do visit http://ch8.mediacorptv.com/superkids/mommyblogger.php to find out more.).

It has also opened my eyes to other non-conventional ways of earning some extra cash, with whatever spare time that I can afford, right from home, like contributing articles to some website. So far, I had 4 original articles posted on (http://www.helium.com/), mainly on issues which I'm interested in. Feel free to drop by and have a look:-

1. My personal take on marital life - http://www.helium.com/tm/376643/signifies-fresh-beginning-union

2. Tips on Potty Training - http://www.helium.com/tm/334123/sharing-things-picked-potty

3. Crocheting Tips (this is the article that's currently earning me $$$) - http://www.helium.com/tm/335782/learn-crocheting-interesting-economical

4. Motherhood - http://www.helium.com/tm/381068/feeling-frustrations-taking-occasiona

I'm hoping this new-found passion can really take me somewhere. Keeping my fingers crossed......

宣泄

你永远能轻而易举地挑起我的情绪，搞得我热血沸腾，语无伦次。孩子从你家回来，变得哭闹难驯，甚至病倒了，我还得七早八早带着一个已不舒服的孩子去应酬你，就因为是你的生日！

结果，我都没质问你孩子为什么会病倒，你又来同样一套“先发制人”，说什么因为我每天给孩子吃猪肉和虾，导致孩子发热。Come on!她整个星期没吃几次猪肉，因为正好这个星期我买的是鸡肉！而且孩子一星期最多也只吃两、三天的虾。跟你讲简直就是对牛弹琴嘛！你还不是自顾自地说不能吃太多虾，要吃多点鱼......喂！她可是每天都吃鱼的啊！孩子两年来都是我喂养的，怎么突然间对我处理的饮食得了“过敏症”？！

记得孩子上两回得了肠胃感冒，也是拜你所赐！明明自己已病倒了，还硬是要又亲又抱孩子，结果搞得家里的人一个一个被传染，连我的母亲也遭池鱼之殃，简直弄得人仰马翻。过了不知多久，你才心虚地说可能是你传染的。什么“可能”，根本就是！

这就是爱孙子的表现吗？那我宁愿你还是少“爱”她一点，免得爱她变成害她！

===============================================
M.C. 打电话来找Boy Boy,应该是要谈隔天载他去机场的事吧。突然间，怎么谈论的话题变得好熟悉？又是有人在那里“恐兵”了。没完没了，每隔一段日子总要重来一次，一样的话题，一样的牢骚，毫无新意，却总是能破坏我家的和谐与宁静。

出人意表的，这次的结局出现了转折--Boy Boy的态度与立场全然改变。他理直气壮地回答他已尽本分，能做的都做了，甚至承认自己在安排上，已经是表现得较偏向自己家人。

我想，他对这永无止息的话题也已累了，心里更是明白问题出现在哪儿。

Boy Boy,谢谢你！

===============================================
至M.C.的信：

请你不要再问我几时要再生一个。我明白你话里的玄机。有些东西，我不能直接对你说，要再生一个的阻力，不仅是我告诉你的。其中最主要的原因，尽是你推动我生多一个的动机。等你自己生了一个，或许你才能明白我的处境。

你们家的运作方式的确与我成长的模式有着天渊之别。对不起，我真的无法“拥抱”这种模式。它违背了我处事的原则，更与我的逻辑背道而驰。我只能做到一个“忍”。不是因为我怕，只因为他们都是Boy Boy的家人。

有一天，当你自己组织家庭，你一定会慢慢体会到我们所面临的难处与压力。

Good-luck!

很多事情，除非你身历其境，不然是无法体会他人所处的局面。

So,don't be so quick to say "I'll never......" or pass judgement on someone else's actions

-- “我”

The Art of Negotiation

The Art of Negotiation - some may say it only applies to the business world, where big shots flexed their brain muscles at negotiation tables, trying to get the better of each other.

Mommies will tell you, "TRASH THAT IDEA IN THE RUBBISH BIN!" For at some point, we all have to deal with the nastiest of them all, the Master of all Negotiators - the Toddlers.

Don't believe? Here are a few examples......

Example 1

Mummy: Do you want Mummy to bath you now or Daddy to bath you 5 min later?

En: I don't want to bath.

Example 2

Daddy: You can either choose to have Daddy brush your teeth or Mummy.

En: Elmo brush.

Example 3

Mummy: Shall we wear this (dress) or this (Holds up 2 pieces for her to choose)?

En: No (goes around "disqualifying" the other clothing).

Get what I mean? No room for negotiation. Case closed. Period.

Sigh. Guess I'll have to take up an Advanced Course in Negotiation......

How it must have hurt...

Last night was a sleepless one.

I was viewing 《稀游记》 on Channel U. This was by far the most emotionally charged episode for me, not so due to the compassion of the lady featured (although I must say I do admire her courage and strength. We definitely need more people like her!), but rather for the trials of a man - the Schizophrenic 阿此.

Being modern mums in well-developed Singapore, we do have an abundance of resources that we can tap into if we have a child like 阿此. Yes, that doesn't make it any easier for any family with a child like him. It can only be worse for those from undeveloped area. I could not have imagined how it must have hurt his mum to have to put him into his "cell" - a pig sty-like hut, all because there's no other way for which they know of, that could help him, and keep the family safe from harm.

For 8 full years, this man does not even have the space to stand up, nor the "luxury" to go out of his enclosure (something many of us take for granted).

If I were the one caught in such a predicament, would I have sent my little girl to the "prison" in which she would have to call home, away from all who cares, to be forgotten by the world? Frankly speaking, I don't know. For who am I, who's so fortunate to be born where everything that we have seems so matter of fact, to judge the actions of those who does not even own a fraction of what I have?