Carpe Diem - easier said than done for a self-professed procrastinator. But for the love of my life, I finally keyed my first sentence, then the second, and the third... as a recording of memories I'd want to remember, good or bad, a gift from Mommy to U - Dear Baby En

"From Baby En to Baby Kang, both my darlings, equally precious. May this journal keep u company, when Mummy can no longer be there......"

Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.

Tuesday, 15 September 2009

我永远的宝

近几个月,脾气越来越暴躁,很容易为了小事发火,对恩也特别没耐性,无法忍受较高分贝的声量,下巴总是潜意思地咬得很紧,导致偏头痛。更可怕的是,对于自己的情绪,越发难以控制,真的感觉好像已经患上了--抑郁症。

为什么我会对孩子的多话感到厌烦?面对她的发问,总是表现得那么没耐性?动不动就对她吼叫......曾经何时,我变得那么恐怖、那么面目可憎?我真的很害怕,害怕在她的成长造成无法弥补的阴影,害怕从此失去这个孩子。这不是我想成为的母亲。

我的宝贝,如果有一天,你不再爱妈妈,认为妈妈讨厌你、不疼你,我希望你能原谅妈妈。

妈妈对你的爱,永远不会变 。

4 comments:

pamela said...

i think you should not be so harsh on yourself ... it is always easier with just one kid ... with two ... it is harder to manage.

i face the same situation when i am with the two kids that my mother babysits ... it seems so difficult to answer allllll her questions and at the same time supervise her extremely naughty younger brother. sometimes i will scream at her and ask her to stop talking while i reprimand her brother and etc .... after which ... i will feel sooooooooo horrible and awful as if i am a big fat ugly monster!

*pat pat* go easy on yourself =)

JoAnnA said...

I agree wif Pamela. You are doing a great job with En En. She's one great kid. When Ying Kang gets Older, it will be easier.

Me on the other hand, is having a big headache. It's really hard for Me and Shawn to spend time together with Nigel as a family. I really envy you and Pam. Everytime at work, I see customers with babies, I feel like crying...

mi2 said...

我也感同身受。每一次为了照顾小王子而把大王子一个人摆一边的时候,我就会非常内疚。与此同时,我对大王子发脾气的时候也更多了。找机会好好和恩恩两个人单独出去玩吧:)不需要很精彩的节目,好像我不久前就带大王子去搭他最爱的双层巴士,一边坐车一边聊天。那一天,整个下午只有我们两个人,感觉很好呢。加油吧!u are not alone--有什么事可以share share,尤其我们的两个孩子都同年,可谓是坐在同一条船上的人:p

babyvinz said...

Thank u for all ur kind words...

mi2: 真的不容易,很想自己是那种可以什么都take things easy的人,就是做不到。性子急,脾气又暴躁,sometimes really feel like going crazy.你也会这样吗?